By: Lynn F Forney

About eight years ago, I met a little girl.  One that had desperately needed me for a long, long time.  When I first saw her, she was hiding behind a tree.  Covered in dirt and dead leaves.  Holding a little stuffed bunny.  I could feel how incredibly sad and lonely she was and it completely broke my heart.  Who could have done such a thing to this beautiful, sweet little girl?  As I slowly approached her, I quickly realized that person, the one who left her alone, and stranded, was me.  I had done this.  Because that little girl was me.  A very traumatized version of myself that lingered in the shadows of my mind.  One that affected me daily.  One that I didn’t know how to meet or understand until I tried EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing.  A therapy that is particularly powerful for healing trauma.

Trauma.  Whether we are aware of it or not, it’s something we all have.  Every single one of us.  It’s not a fun topic to talk about, and certainly not fun when dealing with our own, but it is imperative we do.  No matter how good we are at avoiding the pains from our past, they will always be with us.  And they don’t appreciate being ignored.  In fact, the longer we go on, pretending not to hear them, the louder and stronger they become.  Affecting every aspect of our lives.  Until we are ready and willing to listen.   

Now, I admit, healing your trauma is no easy task.  But it is so incredibly freeing.  Trauma affects us in more ways than most of us realize, including how we react, communicate, and even love.  It not only affects how we relate to one another, but also how we relate to ourselves.  How we treat ourselves.  And I would imagine if you’re anything like me, that’s not always the kindest.

Therapy is a valuable tool for everyone, but in my own healing journey, I found one type to be the most crucial in regards to trauma.  EMDR.  It opened me up in a way that traditional therapy did not.  It allowed me to discover some events from my past that my brain, in its effort to protect me, was withholding.  It also brought to light the true effects of some events I did remember.  Things I didn’t realize (or fully accept) how detrimental they really were.  And our brains are very good at that.  We survive.  But what our brains don’t seem to understand is that we need to face these aspects of ourselves.  The ones that get stuck after trauma.  Because they don’t deserve that kind of treatment any more than we did when we experienced it.  And keeping those parts of ourselves locked away in a dark dreary tower only keeps us from becoming the whole, empowered, magnificent being we are truly meant to be.

Isn’t that what we genuinely want?  To be whole?  When we integrate those versions of ourselves that are lonely, isolated, and traumatized, a very powerful shift takes place.  For me, seeing that timid, sad, lonely little girl filled me with compassion.  More than I had ever felt for myself.  I had a better understanding of what she (I) had been through at such a young age.  The horror she experienced.  And how I had been ignoring her despite her desperate cries for help.  I also came to understand how I, as my adult self, could be there for her when others couldn’t be in the past.  I could help her heal.  And in doing so, a part of myself that had long been lost, came back to me.  One that brings tears to my eyes as I write this because I know how happy she is to be home.

EMDR is not something to enter into lightly, and it is imperative to find an experienced therapist to work with.  It takes time to build trust with that person before you even try this work.  And it’s not always pleasant.  At times, it felt like parts of my brain were scattered about and I had to put them back together.  But I am so grateful I took the time to do it.  I’ve become more present.  More whole.  And it is easier for me to recognize negative thought patterns and behaviors for what they are.  Which makes me less reactive, set better boundaries, and be more compassionate.

Trauma is an inevitable part of life.  What you do about it is a choice.  And I truly hope you take the time to bring those lost parts of you home.  To be loved.  Because you deserve nothing less.  

 Lynn F Forney is an actor, dancer, filmmaker, and author of Choosing Survival: How I Endured a Brutal Attack and a Lifetime of Trauma Through the Power of Action, Choice and Self-Expression