I think everyone knows I'm a bit of a cynic when it comes to romantic love. Recently someone asked me what, if anything, could reverse my thoughts on the subject. I have three answers.

1) If I found a man who says my name the way Frodo says "Sam" every single time in Lord of the Rings.

2) If I found a man who yells my name when I'm in danger the way John Watson yells Sherlock's when he's on the edge of a rooftop.

3) If I found a man who said, "Clever girl" to me the same way the gamekeeper in Jurassic Park does to the velociraptor.

My stipulations:

1) Said man is also not allowed to say "po-ta-toes" every time we have them, because I'm Irish and that would get old fast.

2) I do not die (even fake die) at the end of this scenario at which point my man goes and finds another woman and marries her.

3) The man in question cannot be wearing shorts and khaki socks up to his kneecaps.