The Saturday Slash
Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
Henry Hinkleton is a nonbeliever. In Bigfoot Township, the only thing worse than that, is being Bigfoot himself. This is a good opening line, but you need a little bit more. Why is it bad to be Bigfoot? It sounds like they celebrate the creature with the festival. When Henry is chosen to play Bigfoot in a weeklong town festival, he goes to the woods for inspiration and accidentally does what no one else has--comes face to face with the legendary beast! Henry quickly realizes that this rock juggling, cannonball diving, log racing creature is not the dangerous beast he has heard of, and he is also not the only Bigfoot living on the mountain. Cool, but we need more. Can Bigfoot talk? Does he communicate with this animal? Is he scared at. first, but then a friendship develops? Give us a better feeling for this relationship.
As the festival goes on, so does the rebuilding of the dam outside of town, and Henry learns that the diverted river is threatening the survival of Bigfoot’s home. Henry secretly helps the creatures fix the dam before it is too late, Confused by this - so the dam needs to be fixed in order for the Bigfoots to be safe? Usually a dam is what destroys habitat. and Mayor Grildy, who will stop at nothing to keep the feared beast exiled,How is it not already exiled, by nature? Why would the threatening of the home mean that the Bigfoot is no longer exiled? Does the Mayor know that Bigfoot is real? becomes suspicious. As time runs out for saving Bigfoot’s home, Henry discovers the truth about the creatures, the township, and that he alone can save Bigfoot. Now Henry must decide what to do with the truth. But what does this actually mean? What is the truth, and why would Henry hesitate to use it? A query isn't a place to tease, so put it all out there.
FINDING BIGFOOT is a middle grade novel complete at 38,000 words. It is fun and adventurous like FINALLY SOMETHING MYSTERIOUS, and has the heart and humor of HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON. It is heavily based on legends and documented materials. It also highlights the use of sign language. Really? How? Sounds like that answers my communication answer above. Get that in the query!
I am an active member of SCBWI and am a former fifth grade teacher and reading and writing specialist. I have been a middle grade novel fanatic since the age of ten. Good bio!