My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.

I would like to offer my 96,000 word coming-of-age novel, Caterpillars, about a self-conscious teenage writer who blunders into concocting a fictitious college life to pursue the heart of a beautiful college girl. I would consider using the word "older" instead of "college" because you've got an echo here with "college - using the same word too close together. Also, I generally tell everyone to open with the hook, and put title, the fact that you're querying, and word count at the bottom, b/c everyone has those things, and the assumption is that you're querying. However, this reads smoothly, so you can take or leave that piece of advice.

The year is 1959, and seventeen-year-old Harold Hamilton longs for love and purpose in life. Despondent over his latest dating rejection, Harold becomes hopeless. Unlike his charismatic best friend, Jerry Marlowe, Harold is inept with girls. Only mediocre at school, Harold’s writing is one of his few talents. When he convinces his parents to allow him to take a year off before starting college to work on his first novel, he knows he must prove his abilities not only to them, but to himself. Then a visit to Jerry’s college campus turns his world upside down when he meets beautiful and sweet Kathy Connors. With his storytelling imagination—and some reluctant help from Jerry—Harold concocts a fictional college lifestyle to overcome his struggle with self-confidence. As they bond, Kathy confides in Harold her anguish over the recent death of her boyfriend. After a tender, blossoming relationship, Harold's guilt is eventually exposed. If something isn't done to mend the rift between them, a tragic misunderstanding could tear them apart forever.

Fans of Nicholas Sparks’ A Walk to Remember or Rainbow Rowell's Fangirl will be drawn to this relatable story. My short story, "The Crossover," was featured in Dennis Kirk's award-winning 'Outer Darkness' magazine and my collection of short stories entitled "Twilight Ruminations" was published by Portal Press Books.

Overall this reads very well and what you have here is smooth - you can see I didn't make many suggestions in the body. However, what I don't see here is a big tie-in with his writing and this life he's concocted. I get that it's there (pretend, etc), but I think it needs to be drawn just a little more clearly, the connection between his writing / fictional mindset, and this lifestyle he is leading.