My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.

The world is old, the gods are dying off, and the demons of the Underocean are about to sink the last continent. This is a good hook! You definitely have my attention. Tragic, but none of that is Alonso’s problem. Might not hurt to get a tiny bit of the danger clarified - is there going to be no land anymore? Is everyone effed? His primary concerns are fine-tuning his magical trick cards and saving up to buy his girlfriend’s freedom. From what / who? But when his estranged cousin, Clay, arrests him during a bungled burglary, the world’s problems become far less avoidable.

Demoted after a weaponized artifact shard destroys his sister and his arm, Clay still believes the artifact can defeat the demons if he reunites all the missing pieces. The trouble is, the artifact shard is locked in the same high-security magical facility as Alonso.What's the relationship like between them? You say estranged but that could be by choice, or not. A little clarity on the caper, too - is he trying to save Alonso as well, or is this just a convenience that A is already inside? Even if they do manage to escape with it, there are plenty of demon-corrupted monstrosities, undead gods, and magic-packing militants who will try to stop them – not to mention their uncle, the General, whose respect Clay is desperate to regain and whose disappointment Alonso has been avoiding for years.

Fortunately, Alonso isn’t the only prisoner willing to attempt a jailbreak. His cell block also houses a grouchy mechanic who cracks magical security systems, an anxious girl-monk with extraordinary strength, and an arrogant nun on a mission to save her god. Combining their skills, the five of them might stand a chance of finding the shards, repairing the artifact, and saving the last continent from sinking – if they don’t strangle each other first.

Nice! This is in good shape as it is, but I can rec a few tweaks. As I said before, the relationship between the cousins could use some fleshing out, and Alonso's girlfriend gets totally lost in the shuffle. She was his main priority, but she just kind of poofs. The goals go from REALLY big - save the world! To very specific - get this ONE thing! so, I'd take a moment to tie together how the two things converge to create the plot as a whole. Otherwise, looking good!

NIGHTLIGHT is a 150,000 word fantasy. This is a bit long. Fantasy gets a little room for worldbuiling, but 150k is still a big chunk for a debut. I'd try to get it down to 125 if you can, 100 if at all possible. Combining an unlikely ensemble cast with kaleidoscopic magic, the adventure plays with both humor and heartstrings, perfect for fantasy fans who wish they could read SIX OF CROWS again for the first time.

I have a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Creative Writing, From what institution? and NIGHTLIGHT is my first novel. Upon request, I am prepared to send the complete manuscript.