The Saturday Slash

Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.

I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.

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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.

A work of upmarket fiction, EKPHRASIS is an empathetic novel about art, inspiration, and love that arrives too late. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed Sally Rooney's Conversation with Friends and Lynn Steger Strong's Want. I have to say that generally I tell queriers to put this information - title, genre - at the bottom, but I love the phrase "love that arrives too late." I think it could be a wonderful hook. I am a little leery of calling it an "empathetic" novel, mostly because you're not stating genre here and "empathetic" isn't a genre.

Wynonna Nichols is not an artist. She just recreates the world's great masterpieces for fun after her two little girls go to bed and her husband retires for the night to grade papers. But when she abruptly becomes the sole breadwinner and her boss at Austin's newest art museum learns her secret talent, Wynonna is flung into the spotlight as the star of wholesome videos where she imitates the paintings on screen. This is really good - you've captured a lot by saying a little - she's a mom, she's married to a teacher, life seems a little boring. I don't have any fixes for you here, although I do think you could use a slightly stronger hook, I don't think what you have is weak, by any means though.

Thrown by its immediate popularity, Wynonna can't believe the climbing view count as she slowly falls for her videographer, Julien, a local who cannot stand the changes to his city. Changes like what? Does Wynonna agree? Are they bonding over this? Their chemistry becomes the key to the videos' success, and as their audience rises out of control, not sure about the wording here, as an audience isn't something you could control anyway they find themselves careening toward one another. This is just a statement that might show my ignorance on the matter, but would a videographer be on screen for the audience to see him interacting with W?

For the first time since graduating college, Wynonna finds herself consumed with passion, both for her work and the people around her, but while the world takes notice, fame takes its toll. Millions of strangers adore her, but remorse threatens to destroy everything she loves when she finally gives in to the affair. While her morality wanes, her success grows—articles in Vogue and free trips to Italy, Julien by her side. Where's the remorse coming from? How torn is she? Does she love her husband? Is this an "I love them both?" or is it "I am in love with one and have duties to another?" I'd just like to know more about what exactly she's balancing, as well as how the kids come into it.

Forced to pick between her idyllic life of finger-painting was her life idyllic though? The first para makes her sound mildly bored at home. I think in order to feel the urgency of the choice, we need to know what's being weighed on each side and the all-consuming fervor of Julien, Van Gogh, and Klimt, Wynonna's life spirals out of her hands.

EKPHRASIS is complete at 83,000 words and ready for your consideration.

I am a fourth-generation Austinite with an MFA in screenwriting. This is my first novel.

You don't mention a genre, which is important. This could be a paperback romance, this could be a literary midlife crisis. What does Austin have to do with anything? You mention Julien's issues with it changing, and your own attachement to the city, so it feels like it's important, but I'm not seeing a lot of reason why in the query. Overall this is really well written, we just need a touch more info about what's at stake, and mentioning a genre would be good. I know your comp titles are doing a lot of work in that arena, but a genre is a must.