5 Words I Use To Look Smart, Then Mispronounce and Instead Look Stupid

It happens to the best of us. We like the big words, and we throw them out there just to seem all awesome and then we're corrected and instead look like big fat vocabulary-posers. Here's a quick list with pronunciation guide so that you don't look like an ass.

1) Behemoth - It's not just big, it's really, really big. So it's be-HEE-mith

2) Anathema - As in, I really, really hate you. Big time. a-NATH-eh-ma (NATH like "math")

3) Simpatico - As in, I really, really like you. We think the same. sim-PAT-eh-ko

4) Allegory - As in, that's really, really not what the story is about. You'd think in my college education as a religion major I'd be able to use this one about symbolism in literature correctly. Just so you know it's AL-a-gory

5) Tepid - It's not hot, it's not cold. It's really room temperature. Also doesn't sound anything like a Native American lodging. T-EH-pid

This Is What Librarians Do

I've talked before about being a librarian, and how misunderstood the job is. No, we don't sit around and read all day. And I want to say right now that I've never shushed anyone. Being a librarian is a pretty unique job because it's like retail, stocking shelves and being a data analyst all at the same time.

Oh, and some of us are pretty muscular too, because being a librarian sometimes requires heavy lifting.

What? Yeah, it's true.

This past spring and summer I undertook one of the hardest tasks of my life - and yes, I count being published in that estimation. I reconfigured a K-4 library all by myself. It took over 200 hours, some of them unpaid. And I'm not posting about this so you'll tell me how awesome I am - I guarantee you there are many librarians that have done - and would do - exactly this many times over.

Without going into the sad, sad business of public school funding too far, I'll simply say that because of money issues our district lost the full time library position in the elementary building two years ago. The lady whose job this had formerly been was still in the library when classes were in there, but that was the only time. The solution to actually maintaining the library - shelving in particular - was to have high school students do it.

I know anyone reading this who is a librarian is probably cringing right now.

Cringe harder.

At the end of one year of having teenagers manage the shelving the elementary library looked like this.

 I'm guessing I don't need to tell you that Dewey had pretty much gone out the window.

The district librarian and I are located in a different building, so when I went over to this library to do my end of the year report, I ended up saying some very bad words. I said them alone, because that's the proper thing to do, but I said them loudly. 

And then I proceeded to fix it.

First - discarding. This library hadn't been properly weeded in years. I ended up getting rid of about 3000 books that were beyond salvaging. Torn books, books whose spines were completely broken, and some books that were actually growing mold. Don't worry - these weren't dumpster fodder. These 3000 books went home with the children who picked them off the free book table. Even if they only had one more read left in them, they got the chance to prove it.

Second - re-cataloging. Hundreds of books were quite simply, nowhere near the places they needed to be. For example Attack of the Alien Fire Ants was in non-fiction. No idea what happened there.

Third - genre labeling. As many picture books as possible were put into categories - dinosaurs, dogs, holidays, etc - so that the little kids could actually find books that interested them, rather than rummaging through a colossal mess and hoping they hit something good in their allotted library time.

Fourth - putting all that crap back. Yep. This place was such a wreck that the best solution was to empty every single shelf and start from scratch. Obviously this was done one section at a time, but I made a HUGE mess before things got better. 

And lastly - I showed administration these pictures and explained that a library needs to be maintained, not just manned. And they listened. Even though we don't have a librarian in that building full time, we do have a staff member assigned there specifically for shelving and item maintenance, and teachers are handling the checkout process for their own classes -- which is a lot easier now that they can find books on their own. Ahem.

A lot of people have no idea the amount of work that librarians put in on a daily basis just because we want to make sure that people (especially kids) have the books that they want in their hands when they walk out the door.

During the summer when I was working the a/c in this building was turned off. So I'd spend hours covered in sweat and filth, come home sore from moving so many pounds of books around, and still have someone say to me at a party, "Shhhh!!!" when I told them I was a librarian.

And I'm like, "You know what? I think I'm going to punch you in the face."

Dark Days Recap!

I had an amazing time on my debut week as I toured the Southwest with Michelle Gagnon (DON'T LOOK NOW), Rae Carson (THE BITTER KINGDOM), Sherry Thomas (THE BURNING SKY) and Madeleine Roux (ASYLUM). Honestly if more fun would have been had, bail money would've been involved.

Because I live in the middle of nowhere, I had to start my travels by traveling. On the way to the airport hotel for a night of sleeping before flying, I stopped by the local Barnes & Noble to see my book "in the wild," as we say. One of my oldest friends met me there, and we showed off our mutual babies - (hers real, mine a book baby).

I think me stuffing a book up my shirt is what drew the attention of the sales clerk, but when I established that I'm allowed to rub NOT A DROP TO DRINK on my navel because I'm it's book mommy she was cool with it. And then I signed stock, which was pretty darn fun.

An obscenely early hour found me on the way to the airport to fly to our first stop - Las Vegas! I sat next to a very nice lady on the plane who was shocked that I'd been writing for ten years, since I "look like I'm twelve." I wasn't sure on the compliment rank on that one, but I still appreciated the sentiment.

Rae Carson and I arrived in Las Vegas with head colds from hell, but it didn't seem to bother the Vegas folk, mostly because none of them were awake at that hour. We ended up in fancy-pants hotel and I think the front desk must have noticed our virus level because they put is in a tower that was... pretty empty. Nothing as surreal as walking through a vacant 5 star hotel.

I told Rae they obviously built it just for us.

She agreed.

Maddie, Sherry and Michelle all arrived as Vegas started to awaken and we bustled off to our first signing at a Barnes & Noble. The bookstore owner had made mini-chocolates with the Dark Days logo and our covers, so Maddie and I decided that obviously those should not be left to their own devices post-signing, and filled our purses.

I'm really not sure why I thought having 30 mini-chocolates in my purse was a good idea. I bet the people manning the X-ray machines at the various airports we trundled through were curious as well.

We spent the night in Vegas and hopped over to Denver, where we signed at The Tattered Cover - a fantastic indie that I would like to go live in. Some of my in real life friends popped up there, including 2014 debut author Tara Dairman, and a couple of gals that I wish I lived nearer to!

You can spot round silver signed-by-the-author labels in this photo from The Tattered Cover. Sherry Thomas made personalized sheets of those for every one of the Dark Days girls. Mine has a vicious looking drop of water on it - go figure.

The next day was rather insane - we woke up in Denver and flew to Houston where we had hotel rooms reserved simply for us to pee in, as we would be flying back OUT to Austin after our book signing at Blue Willow Books. I've never peed in a nicer setting.

Before leaving Denver we decided we should re-enact the opening of Reservoir Dogs, as one does.

We shot out of Blue Willow and headed straight for the airport to catch a midnight flight to Austin to get ready for Austin Teen Book Festival! In our first appearance we went head to head with the Fierce Reads girls (Marissa Meyer, Leila Sales, Alexandra Coutts and SA Bodeen), much to the enjoyment of the crowd. I think the kids got a kick out of it, and I have to add that Rae and I kickass at her making me guess what's behind me on a screen.

Also usually they only let professionals into the green room, but exceptions were allowed in our case.

Shortly thereafter we had our second panel, (moderated by REBOOT author Amy Tintera), where we answered questions about writing and our books. Also, I sang a Weird Al song, Maddie talked about sacrificing lambs, Sherry shared Costco shopping secrets, Rae mentioned magical naval bling and Michelle casually clued us in to the fact that she used to dance in a Russian club.

Yes, we're that kind of fun.

Then we signed and great fun was had by all. In fact, a bit too much fun as the festival ran about forty minutes over allotted time and we were all kicked out by security. Except for Sherry Thomas who literally hid behind her stack of books and kept signing.

It was an amazing time. I had a TON of fun. In case you can't tell from the videos, we got along pretty well.