There's A Monster Under My Bed

No really, there is.

It's a trunked ms, and it's like an ex-boyfriend that you know has serious issues, but he's got a great voice so you keep taking his calls. Yeah, it's like that.

So my goal for this Thanksgiving break was to give that monster ex-boyfriend an attitude adjustment, make him see his wrongdoings and wrangle him into good shape. In other words, he graduated from under the bed to in the bed. But don't misinterpret that last bit; it's where I do my writing. :)

This particular ms was suffering from some tense issues. Every now and then my 1st POV narrator wanted to slip into present tense while speaking about the past. I call it The Wonder Years Syndrome. In my head, it worked. But every one of my betas was like, "Dude, you've got a tense issue here." And I was like, "No, it's The Wonder Years Syndrome." But that never seemed to be a sufficient explanation.

And after leaving Monster Ex-Boyfriend under the bed for a year I have to admit, that yeah - it doesn't work. Betas are good people. Mine are very patient on top of that.

Hopefully my tough love knock-down drag-out did the trick. Awaiting feedback...

In Which I Talk About The Meaning of Anti-Climactic

Most of you have been with me for awhile, so you're aware of what a long, long road my writing journey has been.

But I'm up for a recap :)

I started writing with the intent to be published roughly ten years ago. When I finished my first novel I looked into the process of getting "there" and discovered that writing the book was half the battle. Actually it was more like 1/8th the battle, in my case. I wrote a 2 1/2 page query (hooray for ignorance!) and fired that bad boy off. Fired as fast as the USPS fires things, at any rate. This was in the SASE days.

Amazingly, a few requests came in. I rejoiced, and sent of my unedited, non-polished novel and received the inevitable rejections shortly thereafter. Refusing to be daunted, I kept throwing trash into the wind. A couple of years later and a near miss with a scam I wrote another (very bad) novel and attempted querying that, without success.

Fate, in the form of my sister, stepped in and let me know there was an opening for a YA librarian in a public school. So I said, "Why not?" and quickly became immersed in the literature. This was right before Twilightgate and suddenly, YA was the place to be. I said to myself, "Hey, I know the market and the audience - why am I writing for adults?"

Good question. So I started writing for teens - and I love it. But that didn't mean I was any better at it, or knew what I was doing. I wrote my first YA novel, and racked up 130+ rejections. Yep, that many. At that point I said to myself, "OK, clearly I am doing something wrong." I got smart, joined excellent communities like AgentQuery Connect and QueryTracker, and found out that uh, yeah, I was definitely doing things wrong.

Short version - I wrote a new YA novel, polished and perfected the query with the help of some excellent people over at AQ and had eight full requests and two offers of representation within the first two rounds of query sending. Is it because I'm really awesome and talented? Maybe. But that doesn't mean a thing without agent research and query writing skills.

Hooray! I had an agent, Adriann Ranta of Wolf Literary. That in itself was totally awesome. So what's the buzzkill? Submission process. In reality, my process was not horrible, but it wasn't the overnight success we all wish for either. I was out on subs from early spring to late fall, and every single editor rejection felt like I was being stabbed. In the kidneys. And you need those, by the way.

Don't get me wrong, I had polite, complimentary, detailed rejections. Which is what you want, as a writer; the reasons why you didn't make the cut. What killed me was that so many of the reasons were contradictory to what I'd heard the day before. And there were close shaves too, so I kind of felt like stabbing myself in the eyes. And you need those too, by the way.

We were on our third round and I was starting to wonder if Adriann might have suffered a serious judgement lapse in signing me when suddenly... we were roses. Interest, offers, auction. I still don't what happened, although I guess this is proof that subjectivity plays a major role at all levels. My reaction was that I slapped my laptop and said bad words when I got the email from Adriann.

And then? I couldn't tell anyone except family until the Publisher's Marketplace announcement. Dad was working. Mom wasn't answering her phone. Sister was at play practice. Boyfriend was at work. So I sat by myself for awhile at my kitchen table, and eventually got up and scooped the litter pan. Yes, really.

Eventually my sister picked up and I said I wanted to talk to her about something. I was going to drop off some library books in the book drop (it was night-time by now) and she was still in town. I told her I'd meet her in the parking lot to have a quick word. But then she decided that we should eat dinner - something I was not planning on or dressed for.

So I ended up setting in the ice cream parlor where I had my first job when I shared my news. My sister dropped her cracker in her chili and said, "How are you feeling?"

And I said, "Well, I'm setting here in pajama pants and a sweatshirt without any bra or underwear on, so really this is pretty much how I expected it to play out."

Ten Things I Hate About Me

There's a certain amount of egoism involved in blogging. I'm assuming that people care what I have to say, and it seems that some do - so my heartfelt thanks for not allowing the guy on my shoulder with the pitchfork to win the battle for my soul.

Plus, blogging is kind of the thing to do. I've mentioned before that I don't like to do what everyone else is doing. The last time I participated in something popular was when I bought a bottle of Tribe. So yeah, I have what I call "bitch-lapses." There are certain things about me that are not-so-great, and I thought I'd share some of my less desirable qualities. I think everyone should have a "Things About Me That Kind of Suck" lists.

It keeps you humble.

1) People who talk slowly bother me. I lose interest, and it's not because they are boring or stupid. It's because I'm really rude.

2) I'm ridiculously stubborn. I wanted to borrow my mom's rototiller (the BIG kind) and couldn't get it into the back of the truck. There was no one to help me and I just kept trying and trying to lift the damn thing until I had to acknowledge that physics was against me and you can't fight science. But I managed to hurt myself long before that.

3) I have way too much pride, it's definitely my big one of the Deadly Seven. The b/f is a bicyclist. On one of our first dates he took me out to a riding course and we went about 25 miles. I hadn't been on a bike in about a decade. He kept asking me how I was doing. I kept insisting I was fine - because I was not about to say, "You know what, I need to stop," or even, "Hey, why don't we turn around now." Nope. Not BBC. So yeah... I was pretty much hamstrung for about a week after that.

4) I am incredibly klutzy. I broke my tailbone on a boat that was on dry land at the time. And there's the infamous Staircase of Fate example, of course.

5) If I'm reading, writing, or doing anything that requires me to not be interrupted, I may very well growl at anyone who interrupts me. Like in a totally feral, let's-get-her-to-the-hospital kind of way.

6) I hate talking on the phone, the advent of texting has made my life so much easier. I freely admit that it may have also made me a better friend and person. Look! I can show people that I care about them without actually having to SAY it!!!

7) I'm not a toucher. Never will be. Even in situations where you're supposed to BE a toucher (weddings, funerals, reunions, parties), I'm like No ARRRGH!! Circle of protection!!! Most people get the drift when I narrow my eyes at them as they move into my space.

8) It's very, very hard for me to say "I'm sorry," even when I know I should. My Irish genes rebel when I try to form the words.

9) I have a very low voice. It kind of sounds like a man voice. And...

10) I talk too loud. Is that a big surprise?