Thursday Thoughts

Thoughts lately...

1) Setting up a Christmas tree is just annoying as hell. If I *don't* set one up, I feel guilty and unsociable. If I *do* set one up it hangs out too long after the fact and I feel guilty for not putting it away sooner. My record for taking down tree late? Mid-March, 2004.

2) I'm sure Jesus loves that this is what I'm focusing on at Christmastime.

3) On the other hand, there's a lot of debate among biblical scholars about when Jesus was actually born. Some push for as late as April. Technically, Jesus might be totally thrilled with me for having that tree up in the spring.

Thursday Thoughts

Thoughts lately -

1) When I was little I used to think that the world ended when we ran out of space to bury people. Think about it - there's a lot of people and only so much soil. Surely there's a formula to mathematically figure out when the entire earth will be tombstones. And yes, I'm aware you can be cremated. But you can also be composted, if you live in Scandinavia. Yep.

2) But you can't be buried on your own property, that's illegal because of water tables and such. Gone are the good old days of being hauled out to the family plot. This is odd to me. It's my body, but I don't get to say where I want it to go when I'm done with it. I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to do the thing where you are stuck up on a plank in a tree and the birdies get you. Will check on that.

3) It makes me think about placentas. You don't get to keep yours. Yep - that's right. You grew it inside of yourself, you expelled it out of your vagina but it does not belong to you. Because there's a .0000001 chance I might take it home and do stem cell experiments.

Thursday Thoughts

1) If you follow me on Twitter you know that I Ohio Voting. What the hell does that mean? Nothing really because "Ohio" isn't a verb.

2) My life would be a lot easier if the bottoms of my feet were actually vacuums that I could turn on and off at my will. I could clean my floors while hauling laundry. Is it weird? Yeah, totally - but it's also kinda practical.

3) Yesterday while attempting to explain my theories regarding quantum physics, the big bang theory and the event horizon to a friend, my enthusiastic motion meant to embody the constantly expanding universe was abruptly stopped short by a cheap plaster wall. I think this is the universe telling me to STFU. Also, it hurt.