Thursday Thoughts

Thoughts lately...

1) There aren't many gender neutral insults, yet instead of being irritated by this I have found humor in it. For example, calling someone a douchebag is like saying, "You are a really useful hygienic tool." Calling someone a dickhead is like saying, "I don't need you. People have been cutting those off for centuries."

2) Now that DRINK is out in the world people are reading it (hooray) then meeting me in person and are vaguely confused by the fact that I'm nice and funny. I told a girl last weekend that I'm actually an out of work stand-up comedian that Mindy McGinnis hired to pose as her for public events because she has serious anti-social issues. She totally believed me and then I had to convince her I was a liar.

3) After flying six flights in four days on the Dark Days tour (wouldn't have missed it though) I came home with a fairly decent case of vertigo that had me on my ass while picking apples - literally, that's not some kind of country colloquialism. So I did some research and it turns out that the kind of symptoms I have means that there are loose crystals floating around in my head. Yes, really.

And to this I say, "Huzzah, reality! Suddenly you are interesting!"

Thursday Thoughts

Thoughts lately...

1) I've been in Cincinnati three times this week. Every time I think, "Not the Queen City... the Khaleesi City."

2) I was wearing slingback heels, carrying 50 pounds of reference books and trying to point out a book on the bottom shelf for a patron with my toe earlier this week when I fell over. Completely over. Ass in the air, skirt around my face over. These were 5th grade girls so there was a lot of sweet concern, followed by giggling. And I'm thinking, "They just saw my underwear, and now we're all standing here trying to continue a conversation about books while everyone is thinking, "OMG I JUST SAW HER UNDERWEAR." Honestly, I just wanted to say, "Hey let's talk about the fact that you just saw my underwear and get it out of the way."

3) It's Spirit Week at my school and today's theme is Hollywood. Everyone is glammed up. I'm wearing jeans and a hoodie and telling everyone I'm in the remake of The Outsiders.

Thursday Thoughts

Thoughts lately...

1) Why do we instinctively cover our mouths when frightened / astonished / scared? When I was watching Breaking Bad last week my hand went to my mouth in the first ten minutes and half an hour later it was still up there, making my lips sweat. Boyfriend's theory is that it's a primitive self-defense "shush myself so predators don't hear me" move.

2) Is there such a thing as a fat bat? There are so many bugs this fall that I wonder if there are any bats sitting around with bloated bellies, unable to achieve flight.

3) I accidentally shut a frog in my door the other day. I can't say for sure when this happened because I didn't notice until a few days after the fact. Me being me, I had to investigate. It looks like he was trying to come inside the house, which made me yell at his corpse, "What were you thinking?!?! Now I have guilt!!"