Thursday Thoughts

Thoughts lately...

1) Sometimes when I'm shopping in the dairy section and there's a person on the other side stocking from the back, I have this perverse desire to talk to them. But there's a wall of milk there. Somehow it's socially unacceptable to break the fourth wall of milk, and I instinctively know this.

2) Why do we give people presents on their birthdays? Shouldn't we give the present to their mom?

3) I'm going to see Phantom of the Opera this weekend for the third time. I'm Team Phantom, and every time I'm like, "Maybe THIS time...."

Thursday Thoughts

I think everyone knows I'm a bit of a cynic when it comes to romantic love. Recently someone asked me what, if anything, could reverse my thoughts on the subject. I have three answers.

1) If I found a man who says my name the way Frodo says "Sam" every single time in Lord of the Rings.

2) If I found a man who yells my name when I'm in danger the way John Watson yells Sherlock's when he's on the edge of a rooftop.

3) If I found a man who said, "Clever girl" to me the same way the gamekeeper in Jurassic Park does to the velociraptor.

My stipulations:

1) Said man is also not allowed to say "po-ta-toes" every time we have them, because I'm Irish and that would get old fast.

2) I do not die (even fake die) at the end of this scenario at which point my man goes and finds another woman and marries her.

3) The man in question cannot be wearing shorts and khaki socks up to his kneecaps.

Thursday Thoughts

Thoughts lately feature enigmatic insults...

1) I recently became frustrated with a student and told them to "go buy a donkey." I don't know what it meant, they didn't know what it meant, but somehow it felt like I won.

2) When I get new books in series I hold them back for the kids that I know are reading the series at the moment, in order for them to escape the clutchy hands of what I call "Shiny-Grabbers." These are patrons that have no intention of reading the book, but like the reflection of light off the shiny new dust jackets. I liken them to Gollum.

3) I spontaneously called someone a "Seashell-Picker" the other day. I don't know why I believe this has negative connotations, but it definitely feels like futility and kind of alludes to boogers.