Wednesday WOLF: Dissecting the F Word

I've got a collection of random information in my brain that makes me an awesome Trivial Pursuit partner, but is completely useless when it comes to real world application. Like say, job applications. I thought I'd share some of this random crap with you in the form of another acronym-ific series. I give you - Word Origins from Left Field - that's right, the WOLF. Er... ignore the fact that the "from" doesn't fit.

Most of us say it every now and then. I know I did when I stepped on a rake and hit myself in the face (yes, really). The "F word" is a very satisfying way to get all that crap out of your head and into the atmosphere. There are two common misconceptions about the origin of that particular four-letter word, as luck would have it for the WOLF, they both involve acronyms.

Fornication                                                              For
Under                                    OR                             Unlawful
Consent of the                                                         Carnal
King                                                                        Knowledge

The 1st incorrect acronym has been tied to a variety of different logic-based arguments, from the concept that invading soldiers needed "permission" to rape women (because it was considered sex out of wedlock, not because, you know, it's rape) and the king could grant them this. Whether or not it was called a Writ of Fuck is unclear. Another take on this is that wedded couples had to have the permission of the king to have a baby, and so would apply for permission to fuck. Because kings took the time to do that kind of thing, you know.

The 2nd incorrect acronym is usually referred to as a means of judicial punishment for adulterers and rapists (yes, in this version rape is actually a bad thing). It has also been said that soldiers were accused of the crime of fucking when they were caught with each other.

And while all this carries just enough glimmer of truth to be generally accepted as true, it simply isn't.

But that doesn't mean there weren't people tossing out the F bomb back in the middle ages. They were. And they used it the same way we do. The eff word is actually a very old word, so when you think you're being all cutting edge and pushing the envelope when you use it, really you're just rehashing something one of your 15th century ancestors might have said.

Apparently it does the trick pretty well because we've been using it since then.

The Random House Dictionary of Historical Slang cites Middle Dutch fokken = "to thrust; copulate with" (say it with a Dutch accent and you'll see), Norwegian dialect fukka = "to copulate with," Swedish dialect focka = "to strike, push; copulate with."

So amaze your friends at your next party by whipping out the Random House Dictionary of Historical Slang. I know that's how I roll.

An Agency Intern Shares Common Query Mistakes

If there's one thing that many aspiring writers have few clues about, it's the submission process. There are good reasons for that; authors aren't exactly encouraged to talk in detail about our own submission experiences, and - just like agent hunting - everyone's story is different. I managed to cobble together a few non-specific questions that some debut authors have agreed to answer (bless them). And so I bring you the submission interview series - Submission Hell - It's True. Yes, it's the SHIT.

Today's guest for the SHIT (Submission Hell, It's True) is A.M. Rose, author of ROAD TO EUGENICA who is going to take it from here!

So this time we’re doing things a little different. I’m not a literary agent, but I’ve been an intern with an agency for over the past year and have gotten an in-depth look at the slush. I’m here to offer some insight into the things that I’ve seen on the other side of the submission process.

How many queries does your agency receive a day? 

It really varies on day and time of the year, but I’d say on average anywhere from twenty to fifty.

How many requests do you make from those submissions? 

For simplicity, I’ll break this up into batches of ten. Sometimes zero are requested sometimes as many as three. Now how many of those requests turn into offers is even a smaller number. 

Most of the time when we make a request it’s because the query was intriguing, and the opening pages were good. What we see most often is the middle falling apart. So while it’s important to grab attention in those first few chapters, it’s just as important to have a solid story from start to finish. 

What is the most common mistake you see in submissions? 

Not telling us anything about the book. Seriously. Some people will spend the entire query letter talking about their process or why this book is so important to them, and never tell us what the story is about. 

Remember all your query letter has to do is tell us:
Who is your MC?
What do they want? (Goals)
What stands in their way? (Obstacles) 
What happens if they fail? (Stakes)
(Also include your genre, (age group if appropriate) and word count.) 

That’s it.

Another problem we see a lot are people not following submission guidelines. We ask for a synopsis, and it’s amazing how many people don’t include one. And they are important. We want to make sure you have a complete story arc and most of the time if there isn’t one included it results in a rejection even if we liked the pages. Because without the synopsis we aren’t sure if there really is a story.  

Is there anything an author can do to stand out? 

Yes! Don’t try to be clever or funny. Just write a clean query letter. Keep it short and simple. Consider it a business letter, and while you think being different will make you stand out. It does. Just not in the way you want it to. When you read hundreds of letters a week there becomes a rhythm to it and when that rhythm gets broken it’s hard to get back into it.

Are there any particular trope or story lines you see most often? 

We see a lot of God and demon stories. And recently the number of submission with political references has climbed considerably. 

Do some people try to subvert the standard query for something else? What is the strangest thing you've seen?

Yes, this happens more often than you’d think. The photographs are always interesting, but the strangest thing I’ve seen is a person who spent probably about five pages talking about how amazing their book was, and how it already had a screen-play and interest from Hollywood. They went on and on about how they were going to market it, but never once said anything about the book. Not one word. It could have legitimately been the next best thing, but since they never told us anything about it, (and didn’t follow submission guidelines by including their first ten pages and a synopsis) it was an automatic rejection.

You want someone who’s going to champion your work regardless if it’s going to be the next best thing or not. 

Is there anything I can do to make my query letter better? 

Again, yes. Have other people who’ve never read your story before read your query. If it doesn’t make sense to them, it won’t make sense to an agent. Query Shark is a great reference for what to do and what not to do. I also like Agent Query Connect. There you can post your query letter and others will critique it for you. Of course you have to critique in return, but in doing so you’ll get better at seeing what works and doesn’t. 

Do you think having this behind-the-scenes look gave you an advantage when querying your book?

Road to Eugenica actually never went through the full query process. After winning the 2016 PYHIAB contest from the NJRW it was quickly picked up by Entangled. And my next book Not Innocent was also contracted with Entangled without an agent.

However, I do think it’ll help me when I get back on the query train. (Which I’m hoping will be soon.) 

3 Things Real Teens Want, 7 Things They Hate, And How They Find Their Next Book

This past weekend I attended YA FEST PA, a book festival featuring YA authors in Easton, PA. I've been to a lot of festivals, and sat on many panels. But this time they did something different.

It was called a Teen Reverse Panel. The organizers asked the teens from the audience to switch places with the authors, putting us in the crowd and the teens in the spotlight. Then... we got to ask them questions.

It was fantastic.

I learned a lot, and I wanted to share a few of the things I picked up.

What They HATE

1) Limitless free time. "I'm in dance twelve hours a week," one panelist said. "I've got homework. I don't have time to just go to the beach and hang out, let alone take a road trip."

2) Absent parents. Real teens have to ask permission to go do stuff. Most of them can't just run out the door or disappear whenever they feel like it. Not without getting grounded, anyway.

3) Text speak. Smart phones have changed the way teens text, and adults need to catch up. "I text in full sentences," one teen said. "When I see something like when r u going 2 b here? I just roll my eyes."

4) Romance. It's true. Throwing in a romance is really starting to piss them off. "There's an area of the bookstore for that," one teen said. "I don't go there." There was a lot of head-nodding on the panel -which, I'd like to point out - was predominantly female.

5) Repackaging. This isn't in control of the author, but publishers take note. Teens like to read series, and they want their covers to match. These are savvy kids - they said they don't like paperbacks that don't match hardcovers, and they want to have the whole series in matching covers.

6) Stylized Fonts. Something else that is out of your control if you're traditionally published, but self-pubs, listen up. A pretty title might look cool, but more than one panelist agreed that an overly stylized font for cover design can make the title hard to decipher, and quite a few of them will pass over that for something more straightforward.

7) Partying. Not all teens are doing it. Noted.

What They WANT

1) Honest Representation. A PoC panelist noted that she thinks white authors are capable of writing PoC characters, but that we must do research and above all - listen.

2) Boys. No, not romance (see above). They want more books written from a male POV.

3) Horror. Yep. While there were plenty of Potterheads up there, at least one said Stephen King was her favorite author, and heads nodded.

How They Find Books

In publishing this is called visibility or discoverability, and it was the question I put to the panel: "How do you find what you're going to read next?"

Guess what? It's not social media.

Nope. They all shook their heads when I mentioned it. Not Twitter. Not Tumblr. Not Instagram. Definitely not Facebook. All those tweets and posts and pics and we've been pumping out into the universe have been finding readers... just not necessarily our target audience.

All of the teens emphatically agreed that they find what they're going to read next through word of mouth. Here's the rundown.

1) Friends. Teens talk. Readers talk. Teen readers talk to each other, and are unapologetically enthusiastic about things that they like.

2) Librarians & Teachers. These are the adults that are suggesting books to kids. And they're listening.

3) Bookstores. It's true. Teens browse shelves. Some are scanning for author names they already know and like, some are targeting genre sections they prefer, and some are just looking for whatever grabs their eye.

Know what doesn't weigh into their decisions?

Reviews.

So stop worrying about those :)