The Saturday Slash

Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.

I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.

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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.

It’s 1955, and in Manhattan, three sisters embark on individual life journeys that will test their resolve to follow their dreams. Even when that pursuit means going against the wishes of their family as well as societal norms family’s and society’s norms. Not a bad lead in, but watch for awkward usage. I'm not sure that the second sentence is a complete sentence.

Helen, the eldest, has finally fallen in love and wants to get married. However, her father forbids it due to an ancient feud he refuses to abandon. Need more. How is this different from any other star-crossed love story?

Carolyn, the middle daughter and most beautiful, is determined to become New York City’s most sought after woman. Chasing this dream gets her thrown out of the family home, but her pigheadedness may have landed her in the lion’s den with no way out. What does this mean? And what are her goals? Doesn't sought after mean she's looking for marraige? If not, what does it mean? Marriage wouldn't get her thrown out of the house, so we need details here.

Peggy, the youngest, is determined to become a doctor, not a married housewife. When she meets a man twice her age, her resolve falters and she must decide whether a family or a career is more important to her. Why is his age relevant? How does that factor into her future?

Right now, these are all very vague, and verging on tropes. We need specifics in order to see what makes this different from every other star-crossed lovers, good girl acting out, and choose between a career and family narrative. Details are going to be important to show that this is different from any / every other historical title with a similar vein.

A TALE OF THREE SISTERS (102,000) is a historical romance full of family secrets Like what? I didn't see any secrets mentioned above. which will appeal to anyone who has gone after their dreams in spite of challenges. This novel is in the style of We Are the Brennans (Tracey Lange) and The Star-Crossed Sisters of Tuscany (Lori Nelson Spielman).

Your word count is a little high. You'll want to get this under 100k. I also question the genre slightly - is this romance or is it women's fiction? Only you can know the answer to that, but romance tends to have a heavier focus on the relationips in isolation, whereas this seems to have a function beyond the that.

My traditionally published debut historical novel won the 2019 Marie M Irvine Award for Literary Excellence. My historical fiction, Maybe clarify not the ms you're querying presently with Woodhall Press and scheduled to be released in September 2022, won the 2021 When Words Count nationwide competition. I’ve also had short stories published in various themed anthologies. My non-fiction essay appeared in the 2021 Chicken Soup for the Soul Blessings of Christmas. I received my MA in English (Writing Emphasis) from Northern Arizona University. I’m a member of the Historical Novel Society, Women’s National Book Association, Women Fiction Writers Association, and Authors Guild.

Good bio!

Can Romances Set in the Outdoors Be the Great Equalizer Between Men and Women?

By Stacy Gold

The times are changing, and nowhere more than in romance. We’re seeing more books with diverse casts, from diverse authors. And we’re seeing all kinds of people find their happily ever after or at least, happily for now. As both a romance reader and a romance author, I love this!

What’s still missing for me, though, are romances featuring women who are just as physically capable — if not more so — than the men who adore them. I want to read about independent, athletic, boss-ass bitches finding men who love, respect, and support them for all that they are. Not damsels in distress looking for a knight in shining armor (or sexy millionaire) to come to the rescue.

I mean, if that’s your jam, enjoy. It’s just not mine.

In fact, I almost missed out on everything wonderful about the romance genre (including writing it) because of the prevalence of this trope. I stumbled upon my first romance, a bodice-ripper complete with Fabio cover, as a teenager. Like all things with words on them that passed through my fingers, I read it.

All I remember is something about his turgid manhood entering her moist, deep well (I had to look up turgid). And how much I liked absolutely nothing about the story because I could not relate to the heroine in any way, shape, or form.

What I wanted, what I needed, were examples of outdoorsy, independent women who enjoyed sex unabashedly. Women who built their lives on their own terms and were celebrated for their power and uniqueness. The kind of stories that would show me I could celebrate my own strengths and abilities and choices and goals as an avid outdoors person—even if they didn’t include getting married or having children—and still find love.

These are the same kind of stories I still want and need in my life.

Don’t get me wrong… Strong Alpha female characters are out there and so are Beta males. And I am starting to see more, particularly in indie publishing. But it’s still not enough, and it’s still not showing the kinds of women I most want to see represented in romance novels—especially in outdoor adventure and sports romances. That’s a big part of why I write them.

If you’re a strong, capable woman a good man can be hard to find—in life, and in romance novels.

From the time we’re born, society tells us women are the weaker sex. That we definitely need protecting, if not outright saving. That our only value lies in finding a man, raising a family, and supporting our spouse on their path to success.

Because we women are too weak, too emotional, too fragile, less intelligent, and wholly incapable of taking care of ourselves or succeeding on our own abilities and merits. I say, “Screw that!”. 

I don’t believe any woman needs rescuing just because she’s a woman, any more than I think every man should come to a woman’s rescue just because he’s a man. Or he happens to own a nice, white horse.

Thankfully, we’re finally seeing more young girls in real life crushing it rock climbing, mountain biking, surfing, skiing, skateboarding, and more (in addition to team sports, where we’re fighting hard for equal pay and recognition). Historically, though, we’ve seen too few examples in romance novels of women who are smart, sexy, athletic, and capable of taking care of themselves.

One of my goals as a romance writer is to change that. So, my stories are full of women who are kick-ass outdoor athletes, and the men who admire and adore them. These women want equal partners, not saviors.

Outdoor adventure sports can be the great equalizer between men and women in romance novels.

Throughout my more than 30 years of rafting and kayaking and backpacking and skiing and mountain biking, I’ve faced my fair share of doubters simply because I’m a smaller woman. But what I learned is: most women might not be as physically strong as most men  pound-for-pound, but we more than make up for it with technique, finesse, knowledge, and inner strength.

 Also, Mother Nature will issue a beat down whenever she wants. To whomever she wants.

She does not care about your sex, gender, or income level. She doesn’t care where you went to school, or what you do for a living. She doesn’t care whether you have the latest, lightest, most expensive gear or you’re still using the same equipment you bought on clearance five years ago.

Even in less adrenalized outdoor activities like hiking or backpacking, anyone can miss a turn on the trail and end up lost or at least far from where you thought. Or sprain an ankle or break a leg. Or miscalculate food needs and spend days hungry, or break a tent pole, or have to deal with any number of other mishaps or misjudgments.

A fun outdoor adventure can always, easily, turn into a not-at-all-fun epic misadventure. Or a rescue. Or worse. This makes it fertile ground for raising the stakes on my characters—and flipping the power dynamic between the men and women.

I want attractive, feminine heroines who are equal to or better than men in athletic pursuits that have historically been male dominated.

Give me a story about Olympic skiers where the woman wins Gold and falls for the competition’s coach. Or an enemies-to-lovers romance where the man is too cocky, and the woman kicks his ass on the climbing wall. I’m not a big team sports person, but I’d love a hockey romance where the women are the ones out on the ice. Then they fall in love with someone sweet and thoughtful, who appreciates them and supports them and thinks they’re amazing (and of course great in bed!).

Since I couldn’t find these kinds of stories, I started writing what I wanted to read based on my lifetime of experience working and playing in the outdoors. My first books were three, steamy ski romance novellas, and I am releasing a full-length backpacking romance, Wild at Heart, in May 2022.

Incorporating my love of outdoor sports lets me level the playing field by putting my characters in unique situations that test their mettle and show who they truly are. I also like to flip the script on my men and make them softer. Sometimes not as good at the sport as the woman. Usually more ready to listen and talk and compromise—at least by the end.

In my stories, I show women who are highly capable, often muscular, and usually kick-ass outdoor athletes. They might wear makeup and do their nails, and they might not. What they all have in common is they’re never looking for a man, or anyone else, to rescue them.

Sometimes, the women are the experts at the sport or the ones doing the rescuing. At least physically. Emotionally it may be the other way around.

Either way, the men in my stories are willing to step back and realize life isn’t all about their needs and agenda. That a woman doesn’t need to give up her goals and happiness in service of his. Most importantly, they find physically strong, successful, boss ass bitch ladies sexy as hell and want to be supportive, loving partners to them.

Regardless of whether a woman fits in society’s tiny box of what’s supposed to make us attractive and desirable, I believe they deserve the same love, respect, adoration, and orgasms as anyone else. And in my outdoor adventure romance novels I make sure they get all of that and more.

Award-winning author Stacy Gold gave up her day job as Communications Director of a nonprofit mountain biking organization to write steamy romance novels filled with independent, adventurous women – and the men who can’t resist them. After making a living writing all kinds of non-fiction for more than fifteen years, it’s the most fun she’s ever had with a keyboard and screen. When Stacy’s not busy reading or writing, you can find her dancing, laughing or playing hard in the mountains with her wonderful hubby and happy dog.