NYT Bestseller Karen McManus On Pacing In Murder Mysteries & Bowing Out of Social Media

Mindy: Welcome to Writer Writer Pants on Fire, where authors talk about things that never happened to people who don't exist. We also cover craft, the agent hunt, query trenches, publishing, industry, marketing and more. I'm your host, Mindy McGinnis. You can check out my books and social media at mindymcginnis dot com and make sure to visit the Writer Writer Pants on Fire blog for additional interviews, query critiques and more as well as full transcriptions of each podcast episode at WriterWriterPants on Fire.com. And don’t forget to check out the Writer, Writer, Pants on Fire Facebook page. Give me feedback, suggest topics you’d like to hear discussed, and let me know if there is someone you’d love to see as a guest.

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Mindy: We're here with Karen McManus, author of so many different highly popular YA mysteries. Her newest is Nothing More to Tell, which just released. I wanna talk about a bunch of different things. First of all, I wanna talk about this book in particular, the new release, Nothing More to Tell. One of the things that I think is so interesting about this is that it deals with the murder of an adult, which I think is really interesting to take that angle in a YA novel.

Karen: Yeah, Nothing More to Tell is, hard to believe, my sixth book. I was interested in exploring the notion of centering a mystery around a beloved teacher. I think teachers can play such an important role in a young person's life. I started writing, in part, because of my second grade teacher who encouraged me, and I always wish that I had the opportunity to thank her for that. So Mr. Larkin is the former teacher of both Brynn and Tripp, my protagonists. And Brynn, in particular, has always felt an affinity for him because he was the first teacher to encourage her and her love for writing and ultimately journalism. And Tripp, of course, can't stop thinking about Mr. Larkin because he is one of the three kids who found their teacher's body in the woods behind school four years ago.

Mindy: Something I run into fairly often when I'm thinking about a plot for a murder mystery or anything like that. The very first thing that you have to think about is why. Why would someone kill this person? What is the motive? And one of the things that I have come upon recently is that while I'm working or if I'm trying to come up with a new idea or a fresh idea, to my mind, the motivations, the reasons why people kill people are sex, power and money. And, to me, I have a hard time coming up with anything that isn't one of those three or a mix. And I had a moment, particularly this summer, where I was like, "Oh no. If you've really only got three motivations in the history of the world for committing murder, how do we keep this fresh and how do we keep this interesting?"

Karen: Right. Those are certainly a big three, and then there's sub-categories beneath that. There's revenge. There's to protect yourself or others. There's fear. There's anger. I think getting to the emotions that lie beneath those big encompassing reasons is what interests me. What was a person feeling at that moment that drove them to this worst point in their life?

Mindy: I agree. Those sub-categories is where you get past motive and you get into character.

Karen: And for me, that's always the most interesting part of the story. I mean, I like a good hook. I like a good high-level concept that I can build around, but ultimately, if I don't care deeply about the characters, I feel like the readers are not going to care that much about the story. So that's where I tend to spend the bulk of my prep time is figuring out who's in the room. Either literally or metaphorically, depending on what type of story I'm writing. Why are they there? What are they afraid of? What do they want? What are they hiding? 'Cause my characters are usually hiding something, and what's gonna happen to them if their secret gets out.

Mindy: I think that that is really insightful for other writers that may be listening. When you are working with a murder mystery, typically, I find it has to be character-driven because plot is going to only take you so far. I believe this is true of any genre. You have to care about the person. That doesn't necessarily mean that you have to care about the victim, I don't think. They can be dead pretty early on, but you have to care about the people in the story, which I do believe that is true of all genres. But I think it is particularly true of mystery because it raises the stakes so much. It goes from being just, "well, who did it?" To "Oh my God, I really hope it wasn't this person." Or "I am so convinced it's this one and I hate them."

Karen: Right, the way that I like to write stories, there's sort of three tracks that I'm trying to send the reader down. And one is the mystery, obviously. It's like, who done it? Why? How? All of those big questions that relate to the plot. Second is the individual character journeys. Why are they in particular involved? What do they need to learn in order to come to a satisfying resolution, whatever that might be at the end. And then the third is the relationship between the characters, and because I write multi-POV, I like to think of that relationship almost as its own character. It too needs to have a growth arc. It too needs to have a beginning, a middle, and an end. And there needs to be uncertainty and tension between these characters, and, I hope, an investment in the reader and how they ultimately come together, break apart, and resolve whatever conflict might be happening between them.

Mindy: One of the things that I think is really interesting, when you're writing a mystery, is pacing. And I've come to really accept, I think is the right word, I have come to accept that I am a character writer, and that my stories are character driven. They are not plot-driven. And that means that you are doing a lot of baking. You're not doing a lot of flash frying. It is a lot of learning these characters and learning to care about them. This has come to a particular head... You and I were chatting before I started recording about our 2024 releases, which we are both currently working on. I ended up in a situation with my 2024 release where the victim is not dead until approximately halfway through the book, and I was like, "Man, I don't know if this will work." I've gotta clean it up a little bit and turn it into my editor here this week. I don't know if this is going to be a function-able structure, but in order for the plot to matter, the way things are set up, you have to care about the victim before she has died because my narrator is in love with her. I needed to show the relationship between the victim and my narrator and how it is kind of beautiful, but also on the end of my narrator, perhaps unhealthy. I run into problems with pacing in a character-driven plot. How do you deal with that?

Karen: It's important to understand the fundamental structure, obviously, of mystery. Mathematical pace that might be considered ideal, but I think you need to know that in order to break it when you have to. Rules are... they're important to understand. They exist for a reason, a storytelling reason. People unconsciously come to your story with expectations of how it will be paced, and they probably wouldn't even call it that. I would not have before I became a writer. You're expecting a certain flow and you wanna give your readers that for a satisfying experience. But you don't wanna do it at the expense of what's really important in the story. And in this case for your book and often for mine as well, what it's really important is the relationships between the characters. So you just figure out a way, I think, around that and to still deliver that satisfying mystery experience. And maybe that's through smaller sub-reveals. Or maybe that's through setting up an alternate kind of structure from the beginning so that your reader's carried along with that. But as long as you're aware that you're delivering a different type of experience, then I think you can work around that and make it work for your story.

Mindy: I agree, and I wanna touch on something that you said. I don't agree just because I want to feel like hopefully my book actually works.

Karen: Well, I did the same thing in One of Us is Next. The victim did not die until the middle. I think it worked.

Mindy: Nice, I think that's wonderful. And I think it ties into something that you just said about readers bringing an expectation to a book and how you would not have, previously to becoming a writer, have talked about it in terms of pacing... Having an expectation for pacing. As a writer, who is also a reader, because I don't think it works the other way. I don't think you can be a writer and not a reader. Do you find that as a writer who now hyper-analyzes their own work so much, do you struggle to read for pleasure? Is it hard for you to just let go and enjoy a story?

Karen: It can be. I do a lot of reading on my Kindle and sometimes I can't help myself. I'll be reading along, sort of getting caught up in the story, and then I'll think, "Are we at the mid-point?" And I'll have to look and see. Are we at 50% of the book? Because it just feels like we've hit it. So I notice that type of thing. But I love reading romance when I'm writing my own thrillery stuff because it's such a nice change. And romance writers are among, I think, the greatest at our craft in terms of pacing a story perfectly. And you can almost always, if you stop and think about it... This is about 25%. This is about 75%, and I do notice that kind of stuff even when I'm really enjoying a story, just because it's become part of my process now. It doesn't take away from my enjoyment, but it's definitely a different type of reading experience. It's hard for me to get fully swept up in a story and not kind of notice the writer's craft beneath it.

Mindy: Absolutely. I have hit a point where I've discovered that audio books can still transport me but I am not sure what drives that. Most of the time I'm listening to an audio book in the car anyway, so you kinda achieve that almost meditative state.

Karen: The voices and getting caught up in what feels like the character speaking to you might help to that suspension of analysis that sometimes goes along with the reading experience.

Mindy: Yeah, I have definitely found that an audio book will capture me a little more quickly than a print. I read a book a long time ago, and I've talked about it on the podcast before, a few times. It's called The Shallows. It was written like a while ago. I know they've released an updated version, but he was talking about how the internet has kind of rewired our brains for short form concentration. I skim things online. Very rarely do I ever read an entire article. I skim everything. I'm clicking. I'm just reading headlines. I'm not really involved in anything. My brain has been trained for this, and of course now with the rise of TikTok and social media... Everything is little, little little bites, little bites, little bites. His theory, and there was some support for it at the time and I imagine that has grown, was that we're losing the capability to do deep work and focus and thinking. I have seen that in myself. It's pretty scary.

Karen: I mean, if it's that hard to get lost in reading a book by writing one, right?

Mindy: Oh, yeah.

Karen: Having that focused level of attention, since sometimes it is a struggle to get yourself into that head space and just be able to shut everything else out and focus on the story.

Mindy: And do you have a similar feeling then when you're writing as you do when you're reading? Where you just kind of get transported and everything around you is gone? I personally have similar experiences, and just because of my current lifestyle and pace, I find it easier to get lost in work than writing than I do reading and pleasure. But I find the experience mentally is the same - that high level of concentration and the loss of really the world around you and doing a deep dive into an imaginary world.

Karen: Yeah. When it's going well, when the writing is flowing, that is absolutely how it feels. Everything else drops away. The distractions aren't a problem. And I'm just this vehicle being driven by the story and I just have to let it take over and get it out. And it's like a great feeling. And then when it's not flowing so well, that's the time when I suddenly think, "I wonder what's happening on Instagram." I'll do all these little things to let myself be distracted, and it's very easy to do that 'cause it's like, obviously, it's all at your fingertips at the same time that you're working. And that's the point, if I catch myself doing that too much, I have to take a step back and think, "Okay, something's not working. I'm not pulled in enough to the story where it feels necessary for me to keep going with it." And there's usually something fundamental that isn't working.

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Mindy: I think I've just very recently arrived at the idea of dropping social media. Very recently, just within the past maybe two weeks, I have found that I'm going to it more often as a distraction to kill a few minutes, which is how I always used to use it. I think that's fine, just a little bit of entertainment. But this summer, in particular, I have found... I finished the day. I did my work. I went to the gym. I came home. I ate dinner. I took a bath. And what am I gonna do now? It always used to be, I am going to watch TV, or I'm going to knit, or I'm going to read a book, right? Usually read a book was first, and now I will lay down with my phone and I'll lose two hours. I'll lose two hours.

Karen: Right, it's so easy.

Mindy: Yeah, and I'm just like, "Oh, this isn't good." It doesn't make me feel good. I'm not producing anything. And I don't necessarily mean I need to be working all the time, but it's like I'm also not participating in anything, you know what I mean?

Karen: If you're just kind of passively consuming things that are out there, yeah, it doesn't feel great. And I know I used to use social media differently as a brand new author. I interacted a lot more. I chatted a lot more just with other writers, 'cause it sort of felt like our little water cooler on Twitter. And you could just joke back and forth. Twitter has changed, definitely, but also when your audience gets bigger, it's harder to keep up. And you also, I think, you just need to be a little bit more careful about what you say. 'Cause more people are paying attention, and if you think you're making an off-the-cuff comment that is actually a thoughtless comment that could be upsetting to people in a way that it wouldn't have been when you're an unknown. So you find yourself more reluctant to engage and then you think, "Well, why am I even here?" I can't keep up with my notifications. I don't feel comfortable chatting. And it's just ... this isn't really an engaging space anymore. It's a space where I'm just sort of paying attention and liking people's tweets and saying, "Good for you!" And it's just a different kind of medium. So I found myself taking a big step back there. Taking a big step back in social media in general, and just trying to focus more on nurturing those relationships in other ways.

Mindy: I think that that's really smart. And I know that when you and I first started writing, it really was social media, social media, you have to do it. You must do it. You cannot succeed without it. And there's a lot of information out that says that that's just not true. A lot of people that have massive followings will get a book deal sometimes based on that, and they don't sell well. Their audience is not there for a book. The audience is there for their Instagram, or the audience is there for a tweet. And I also find just the content in general has been just more upsetting lately, and I've just been more affected, I think lately.

Karen: Yeah.

Mindy: I'm 43. I'm really self-assured. I have a career and in a good place in my life, and this is making me feel bad. And it makes me wonder about teenagers using this and kids using this. And I'm like, "Oh no. Oh no." If I think about it too much, I'm gonna go down a dark hole of "This is how the world ends." So, I've decided that retracting is probably smart.

Karen: Yeah, taking a step back is probably very healthy. And like anything with writing, I think there's so much pressure on authors to market themselves, but it really is only so much that we can do to move the needle. And so I'm a big believer in doing the things that you enjoy. That you would do anyway. If this were just a hobby and you wanted to engage with other people who liked your hobby, what kind of things would you do? For me, that means I'm not on TikTok because I don't like to make videos.

Mindy: Yeah, me either.

Karen: It's just not my medium. So I'm not there. I actually am there as like a little consumer quietly enjoying dog videos and things like that, but not as an author. I don't do a newsletter because it's just not something that I enjoy. So I think trying to maintain that balance and recognizing that it's good to have some kind of platform for people to find you if they want to. If it's a platform that you like to maintain, then great. Then you just maintain it as much or as little as you're able to do with everything else you have going on.

Mindy: One of the things that led me to this, I went through a pretty upsetting break-up in 2019. I don't overshare on social media. I try to keep my personal life pretty personal. I didn't do a post and say, "Hey, things going on. I won't be around here much. Just wanted to let everybody know." I didn't even do that. I just dropped out for probably like four to five months. I was just like, "I can't do this right now. This isn't part of what I have inside of me." And there was absolutely no effect on...

Karen: Right.

Mindy: I don't think people even noticed I was gone. Why am I doing this?

Karen: If you feel like coming back and doing a little bit of engagement, that's great, and people who have enjoyed your presence before, will enjoy it again. And they're not gonna say, "Where have you been?"

Mindy: So talking then about social media and interacting and getting yourself out there and being in front of people, you just released the new book. And so you have been doing a lot of promotion and a lot of interaction and just raising the visibility bar and doing all of the things that our publishers want us to do in order to make that happen. However, like you and I were talking before I started recording. You do not tour. So talk to me a little bit about what you do, because I know that it can be just as overwhelming as being on a tour and leaving the house. So tell me about that pace, that schedule, what you do, and how you balance promoting something that is out there, while also trying to write the next thing.

Karen: I know it's tricky, right? Because our books that are out there, this book that just came out, I wrote that book two years ago. That's the pace of publishing, and so some of it is just resetting your mind a little bit. Because, like we were chatting before, I'm currently working on my 2024 release. And I was just like heads down, in that zone, really churning out that book and got probably 75% of the way through. But I just had to put it aside, about a week ago, a week and a half ago, I had to put it aside so I could shift gears and get my brain back into Nothing More to Tell. So it's like this disruption thing where you're in your writers cave and then you just... you have to emerge blinking into the sunlight and realize that, "Oh right, I have a whole 'nother book I need to talk about. I gotta put this one aside." So it's that shifting gears thing, and I think some writers are probably good at dividing their attention more than I am. If I'm in that zone, that's the only thing I can think about, so I do have to take myself out of it. You still have local events. 

 I actually was able to launch this book in person, which is the first book I've launched in person since my third. And this is my sixth book. So there were two pandemic books in between that, that were all virtual. So there's that and just sort of gearing yourself up for the energy of a live audience, which is so different than doing a virtual event. And that part was really nice, honestly, to be back in front of readers and have the energy of a room was really great. And then you're also, of course, doing interviews. You're appearing on podcasts, for example. I have really active international publishers too, and so at the same time I'm doing stuff in the US, I'm also doing things for the UK, in Germany. So there's just a lot of stuff coming at you, and it's sort of hard to remember sometimes what you said you were gonna do which day. But that's where your publicist helps you out, obviously, and your editor is keeping everything track for you. And that it's kind of funny because you do this for two, three weeks, it's like super intense, and then the book is out. And the book is just gonna do what it's gonna do, and you kinda crawl back into your writers cave and say, "Okay, let's get back to that zone."

Mindy: Yeah, it is a hard balance. I find that when I'm promoting, when I've had a book come out... I also have not officially toured since the pandemic. I do feel that that is changing a little bit for publishing. I don't know that that, that the big book tour is something that they're going to continue to do. And that makes me a little bit sad because I do love it. But I set up a lot of events on my own, like you were saying, locally, but I also will travel. I've got a series of visits coming up at schools in Missouri, Arkansas, and Kansas. I'm really ready to do that. It's a grind. It is a small murder. You come home exhausted and spent and an utter shell of a person, but I actually kind of enjoy that experience.

Karen: There's nothing quite like getting out there on the road and getting to talk to people who are passionate about books in real-time. And I do go to conferences, not so many this year, travel in general has been difficult this year. But I'll be going to a couple in the fall internationally, and I'm looking forward to that.

Mindy: Absolutely. I do the same. I'll do conferences and book festivals, and I find them to be really an injection of life for me in a lot of ways. It's a great way to connect with other writers.

Karen: Yes, that's the thing. Our job is so solitary, and it just has become more so in the past few years. And getting a chance to connect, not just with readers, but other writers gives you so much energy.

Mindy: It really does. I'm gonna be in Tennessee this coming weekend for the Tennessee Association of School Librarians. David Arnold is gonna be there. And David is a buddy of mine. I haven't seen him in years. I texted him, "Are you going to be at TASL?" And he was like, "Yeah, are you?" So I was like, "David, I don't think I've seen you for four years."

Karen: Yeah. I mean, time’s kind of lost all meaning, in the past three years.

Mindy: It really has. Last thing. Why don't you let listeners know where they can find the new book, Nothing More to Tell, and where they can find you online.

Karen: Yeah, Nothing More to Tell is available at book stores everywhere. Your favorite indie is, of course, always a wonderful place to shop. My personal favorite indie is Porter Square Books in Cambridge. That's where I had my launch, and they will always do signed copies of my books. If you're interested in that, you can just get in touch with them and ask. And you can find me online on Twitter and Instagram at writerkmc.

 Mindy:     Writer Writer Pants on Fire is produced by Mindy McGinnis. Music by Jack Korbel. Don't forget to check out the blog for additional interviews, writing advice and publication tips at Writer Writer Pants on Fire dot com. If the blog or podcast have been helpful to you or if you just enjoy listening, please consider donating. Visit Writer Writer Pants on Fire dot com and click “support the blog and podcast” in the sidebar.

David Crow On Keeping Memoir Honest, Even When It’s Ugly

Mindy: Welcome to Writer Writer Pants on Fire, where authors talk about things that never happened to people who don't exist. We also cover craft, the agent hunt, query trenches, publishing, industry, marketing and more. I'm your host, Mindy McGinnis. You can check out my books and social media at mindymcginnis dot com and make sure to visit the Writer Writer Pants on Fire blog for additional interviews, query critiques and more as well as full transcriptions of each podcast episode. at WriterWriterPants on Fire.com. And don’t forget to check out the Writer, Writer, Pants on Fire Facebook page. Give me feedback, suggest topics you’d like to hear discussed, and let me know if there is someone you’d love to see as a guest.

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Mindy: We're here with David Crow author of The Pale-Faced Lie: A True Story. It is a memoir about your childhood - a survival biography in a lot of different ways. So, if you would just like to tell us a little bit about the basis for this book.

David: I didn't tell anyone my story until I was in my early 50s 'cause I was so ashamed and felt like I couldn't tell anybody. If childhood is a city you can never leave, if it was hard enough for you, it'll break you. And I found that the people that are supposed to love me, I couldn't trust... Betrayed that love to be very hurtful to me and my siblings. Found out that at a certain point when your childhood's bad enough, you don't like yourself, but you don't know it. You don't trust anybody because you can't trust the adults that are supposed to love you and take care of you. And that when you grow from this very broken model, learning to love, learning to trust, learning to be a good person can be very, very difficult. There are many cycles that people don't break and the worst ones come from horrific childhoods. In my early 50s, I realized that I was extremely troubled by my childhood. I never thought like a victim, still don't. I never wanted to keep score, get even, some people write books for that reason, or glorify myself as I certainly made a kagillion mistakes. But what I wanted to do when I finally realized that I could overcome this, that I could see myself in a different way, that I could forgive those who hurt me so much, I began to forgive myself. I began to have a much gentler view of myself... Became more trusting, more open, and my life changed. My children, my wife, my colleagues, my friends. I basically wrote the book for a single reason. To tell people you can overcome things that you think you cannot possibly overcome. Even if they bothered you for decades, which this did. When you are able to overcome it, when you are able to forgive it and move past it, there's a whole new world that will open up for you. 

I didn't find any of the self-help books I read helpful. Not that they weren't somewhat helpful. I went to therapy, I found that was only somewhat helpful. What I had to do was go back and confront the worst memories of my life and understand who I was then. That I could do very little about it. That I had decided to feel ashamed, guilty, and I think for a lot of us, that you don't deserve any better. And that you can't get any better out of life than was given you. And of course, all of those thoughts are fatal. Letters that upset me are from people that are older who never learned to love, never learned to trust, and their self-image was created in their childhood, as mine was. They never broke free of it. And what they have suffered is a life sentence. I'm here to tell everybody, you don't have to have a life sentence because the first part of your life didn't go right. You can be the captain of your own ship, but you have to see yourself as someone different than the person that these very broken people told you that you were.

Mindy: I want to touch on something that you talked about there, because even though I had a wonderful childhood, we all have things that we've suffered through and...

David: Oh, absolutely. I didn't go through the worst and plenty of people who've gone through a lot more than me, but no one gets through life scot free, I don't think.

Mindy: No, I don't think so either. I myself have tried self-help books before. My therapist told me one of the reasons why I don't find them useful is because, quite frankly, most of them are not well written. And it's very difficult for me as a writer to look to something for guidance or help or any type of support, if I can't get past the writing. I think it's a weird little wrinkle in my life where self-help books have never actually been that helpful to me because I'm looking at the quality of the writing and I can't... There could be some great stuff in there, perhaps, but I can't get past it.

David: I feel that too. A lot of the self-help books will say things like, write your childhood-self a letter saying, I love you and you're wonderful. For me, that wouldn't work. What I had to do, and I kind of compare it to a ball of yarn that's got a million knots... You can't just cut them. You have to unwind them. And the unwinding is understanding why you feel so bad about yourself. Why you have a hard time forgiving people who did things to you that they never apologized for, probably don't even think they did. My dad never thought he did anything wrong. Even when he killed people, they had it coming, right? You have to go through something that's almost alchemic. You have to see yourself then. You have to see yourself as you wanna be, and then you have to kind of forge your path on how you get from where you were to where you wanna be. But you have to think it through, and you have to see what those memories, those messages, did to you. So for me to just sit down, I love you, David, you are a wonderful little boy. There was no loving the little boy, David, when all this happened to me. It just didn't connect. They tell you you can be anything you wanna be. Well, I doubt I could be a center on a National Basketball Association team. I'm a foot short, not quick, but I can be all that I can be. So I think there's a lot of things going on. And Mindy, I see your communication skills, I think, taking the self-help part to a new level. Make people feel what you're trying to say, but then make them take ownership of the pieces that they need to do to get where they need to go.

Mindy: I myself hit a brick wall pretty hard. I can find them trite. I also agree with the "you can do anything you want." I have always said, "No, I can't be a ballerina." My physical body is not made for that. No, I can't do anything that I want. So, I always find it to be useful to be practical. Function over form is always pretty major in my life, and I need things to serve a purpose.

David: Lori Gottlieb wrote a letter, You Should Talk to Someone, which is the best book that I've ever read. But there's room for this for you, Mindy, and others of us to fill in some of these spaces. People go from, "I'll never be a National Basketball Association Center" to "I can't do anything." No you can do a ton. Everybody has a capacity to be far more than they are, but they're gonna have to work real hard. You're gonna hit brick walls, as you said. Tell me you haven't hit a brick wall and I'll tell you you haven't had much growth.

Mindy: If it's not hard, it's not worth doing. But I grew up in the Midwest on a farm, and I wanna talk a little bit about your childhood. You grew up on a Navajo Indian reservation. When it comes to your book and your childhood, can you talk a little bit about the Native American angle on this and how that is such a huge part of your story?

David: So my dad, who said he was Indian, Dad took us to an Indian reservation for two reasons. I'm born after he got out of San Quentin. My mother was pregnant with my sister when he went in. He did something, could have gotten him the death penalty - certainly could have gotten him 20, 30 years in prison, but he needed to go to a place to accomplish two goals. One, he had to be able to go to a place where he could lie about being a violent felon, because every employer will ask you, "Have you been a violent felon?" That's a real negative. I think no one wants to hire a violent felon. And the second thing is, he wasn't afraid of his accomplice, one-on-one, but he was afraid his accomplice would ambush him. By going to the Navajo Indian reservation in the 50s - think pre-internet, pre-everything - I mean, I was five before we saw our first television. You could basically hide from the world, and he did.

And Dad was able to work in a good job. First at El Paso Natural Gas Company, and then later at the Bureau of Indian Affairs. It allowed him, basically, to lie about his past and be able to function. And my first memory, where the book really begins, where he takes me out into the frozen tundra on the reservation and says, "We have to get rid of your mother because if you grow up with her, you'll be crazy just like her." And the book starts there, and it just goes through an incredible series of events that almost read like a novel. Why did things just keep happening? Worse and worse, and somehow dad survives all of it. Somehow we all four kids and my mother survived it, but they didn't survive it very well. My siblings have paid a tremendous price. I think in some ways they had it a lot worse than I did. Partly 'cause I understood Dad, so to a certain extent, I could head off things that he was gonna do, but if he got really, really angry, which he did all the time, there was nothing to stop him.

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Mindy: I think too, when you're talking about a memoir like this that is so deeply emotional, and you're writing about your family and, of course, your parents but also your siblings. What made you say, "I think I need to write about this," or "this should be a book." Was it a therapeutic move on your part? Or was it something that could go out into the world and help other people?

David: All of the above. I honestly thought I would never be able to overcome what I had gone through. Meaning that I would just never feel better about myself. I would always have guilt and shame and feelings of not deserving good things happening to me. I was able to have a good professional career, reasonably good relationship with my children and siblings, but they were never what they needed to be, right? 'Cause I didn't trust. I wasn't open. I basically hadn't overcome my childhood. Outwardly, yes. I could do all the things you're supposed to do, for the most part. I could compartmentalize, but inside, I was a real mess. By the time I hit my early 50s, I thought, "Well, this is never gonna change," right? I'm gonna die not particularly happy with who I am... What I've done. I really, really concentrated... Went through a divorce and had a second marriage, which has been very successful, but during that time, I went through a deep reflection. I got to change the equation. So I had been constantly going back to my childhood haunts on the reservation and in Gallup, New Mexico, but I always went back to this one house where the worst of the worst happened. 

My mom went homeless there. My dad tried to kill her there. My mom was sitting in an empty house. My dad just took us all out of school. We just struck off. Cut off electricity. Took the food, no water, nothing. And left this mentally ill woman who had less than a ninth grade education and just dumped her like a hurt dog. About a week after my dad did this, he had cut her brake lining, so he thought she should be dead. But she didn't die and she was still in that house. And he made me go back to find out if she was physically there. And when I did, she was sitting in a fetal position on a cold floor, a dirty mattress, and I stared at her and I saw the look of complete hopelessness. The eyes are vacant. And I didn't know what complete hopelessness was till that minute. She saw me, jumped up and said, "You're my only boy. You're my oldest boy. You've gotta take care of me. You and I have to go out in the world 'cause I can't survive without you." My father came up behind us. Hit her real hard. Knocked her to the ground. Grabbed me. Took me to the car, and then he hit me with his elbow in the head. I was sitting in the passenger's seat and I didn't feel it. My head hit the window, but between the window and his elbow, I felt nothing. And I realized at that point, that was where in my life that I broke. That my spirit broke. That I would never like myself again. Would never trust myself again. Would never love myself again, and I would never let anybody get close to me because the pain was too great. When I went back to that house, I re-lived that moment and plenty of others. There was a very nice man that lived there, and when I walked into his living room and I looked in the living room, all of these memories came back like in three dimension. I started crying and he talked to me till two in the morning. And I walked to the door and thanked him, and he said, "Look, you can't change your childhood, but you can get past this," and for some reason, it was the exact right message at exactly the right time. 

Went back to the hotel, and the next morning after I woke up... I kept journals all my life and saved them, but I started writing again, furiously. And I picked up the phone and called my dad, which I never do. The least helpful person, you'd ever call. And I said, "Did you ever feel bad about what you did to us?" And he started cursing me out using every filthy word you can. Calling me a coward, not much of a man, a guy who would never amount to anything. And he said, and by the way, you haven't... Don't revise history to make yourself feel better. I didn't do anything wrong. I was done with him. I could forgive him. I could let it go. He could never change. There's things you can change, things you can't. Couldn't change him. You're not gonna get that. You're gonna have to give yourself something that the people who did it to you won't. So I call my mom. Again, something I rarely did then. And I said, "Did it ever occur to you the incredible pressure you put on me to leave with you and be the head of the household at 10?" And she said, "Well, you deserve it. You left me. You abandon me. You're my oldest boy. You never help me. You're not here, right where I am now. You have a lot to account for. I'm sorry, you feel bad, you should." And when I put the phone down I realized, "My God. I'm trying to be as mean as my dad, and beyond belief, savior for my mom, and then defining myself for my failure to do both things. And I gradually, from that moment on, I started seeing myself differently. I started being more forgiving to myself. Realized over about a period of a year, I need to write this down. Something had happened inside of me that changed my life. And it was something I'd wanted all my life, and already accomplished the catharsis. This was an after the fact. And I felt very committed to writing it, to let other people know, "Hey, you can do things. You can get past things that you're absolutely convinced are impossible. It's not gonna be easy. You're gonna have to work incredibly hard." If you read my book, I made so many mistakes. I did so many dumb things. Did so much wrong, but I just never quit. And when this moment happened in that house with this man, I had put in a ton of work. Maybe it hadn't accomplished its goal but it was working in my sub-conscience. Once I was able to be honest and say, "This happened. I did this. And I'm sorry about it, but I don't have to be defined by it," and from that time on life has gotten quite a bit better for me.

Mindy: So the book then was something that came out of the experience of already having changed.

David: Well, yes. What had happened in that house in the conversation with both parents was the final catalyst, and then no one really knew. When I wrote the book, the first thing that surprised me is all my college friends and clients that have known me for a very long time said, "we always knew something was wrong. Why couldn't you tell anybody? Why didn't you say something?" And the answer is, and anybody who's been through anything remotely like I have, you can't tell people. I mean, you're a young person. You're in college in your early 20s, and people say, "Oh, how's your family?" "Oh, my dad kills people. He beat my mother to what he thought was her death. How was your life?" I didn't want people feeling sorry for me. I certainly didn't want people judging me. I just thought I'm different than everybody else in the world. They're good people. I'm bad people. You're not bad people because you went through bad things, and you're not bad people because you did some dumb and bad things while you went through that. The end goal is to get better, stronger, play it forward, go back and fix as much as you can, but before you want the world to change, change yourself. And once I really understood that and made those changes, life got much better. It didn't get perfect. It's not perfect now, and it won't be. But my God, it's very, very good. I still wake up with the occasional nightmare and stuff like that, but by and large, I don't feel like the guy that went through the book anymore. That guy's gone.

Mindy: The real reward isn't being able to feel that way, but the book itself has done so well. You've won many, many awards - the Next Generation Indie Award for best memoir... An International Book Award for best true crime. You've done very well, and looking at your reviews on Amazon, you have over 11,000 reviews. And your overall rating is four and a half stars. So there has to be just an incredible feeling, not only of course, the personal reward of having turned your entire self-concept around but also just to be able then to find this outlet and have the outlet itself be so incredibly successful.

David: Well, I've been very fortunate. It crossed over 200,000 in sales printed in Russian and Lithuanian. I wanna thank my publisher who helped me figure this out, my publicist, who's very smart. But the other piece is getting out of the way of the story and letting the story tell itself. I wanted people to see what happened and imagine themselves in that spot, asking themselves, what would I have done? But more and less, what I wanted them to understand was the journey and how I had gotten through the journey and how it had got me to a place that I never dreamt possible in the beginning. So, I think the reason the story did well is the story, not me. Just... I knew there was a lot that I went through. I thought there was something to say, and I thought I knew how to say it. And I got incredibly fortunate and people felt like it was a message they could relate to. My final say on that is, I think one thing that really helped it was the honesty. You know, I had advice - to leave some of the really dark part out - what he did, and you went through. I said, we can write a novel deciding I'm superman. We can write an honest memoir showing you that I'm anything but Superman. And that the reader who reads this will see themselves as not being Superman either, and imagining how they might work through some of these things. And realizing that an ordinary person can work through extraordinary things if they never give up.

Mindy: And that's a great message for writers too, because there's a lot of rejection and a lot of pain and a lot of your own self-worth wrapped up in your work when you're a writer.

David: And you're gonna get rejected. I got rejected a lot. You're also gonna get bad reviews. You're a horrible person. You belong in prison. You're gonna get all that. So here's what I tell people. Welcome to the world. The world's just full of people who are just ready to jump on you, tell you you're no good, laugh at you when you trip all that. That's fine. You just have to let that be a part of life. But what you have to do to overcome it is you can't throw a rock at every barking dog and get where you wanna go. Every rejection, whether you're writing a book, or you're applying for a job, or you're trying to get past what I got past, is a chance to do it differently and try again. The real essence of my message is you can try 100 times, 1,000 times and think, "I'm giving up," but there could be one little tweak, one little epiphany, a different effort, a different person, a different situation, and all at once, you've crawled through the bottleneck you never thought you'd get through. The people who don't make it - quit. And I will say, doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.

Mindy: That's certainly the truth.

David: And be clear, you can find a thousand doubters on the block you live in. There are very positive people in this world who want the best for you, but you'll find a surprising number of people who are also glad to see you not make it. And that's too bad 'cause I wanna hang out with the people who wanna see me succeed. And then my friendship, my children, my family, my friends - I want them all to succeed, and I hope every one of them does better than I did. You find the right kind of positive people and they don't quit. They're gonna go far. Even if you don't think they will. You just watch. They'll get there.

Mindy: Last thing, why don't you let people know where they can find the book and where they can find you online.

David: You're wonderful, Mindy, and thank you. So the book can be purchased on Amazon, easiest, just The Pale-Faced Lie. David Crow, crow like the bird. But you can get everything including how to get the book in other ways and all my blogs and stuff about me on David Crow author dot com.

Mindy:     Writer Writer Pants on Fire is produced by Mindy McGinnis. Music by Jack Korbel. Don't forget to check out the blog for additional interviews, writing advice and publication tips at Writer Writer Pants on Fire dot com. If the blog or podcast have been helpful to you or if you just enjoy listening, please consider donating. Visit Writer Writer Pants on Fire dot com and click “support the blog and podcast” in the sidebar.

Lorie Langdon On The Long Haul & Hard Grind of A Writing Career

Mindy: Welcome to Writer Writer Pants on Fire, where authors talk about things that never happened to people who don't exist. We also cover craft, the agent hunt, query trenches, publishing, industry, marketing and more. I'm your host, Mindy McGinnis. You can check out my books and social media at mindymcginnis dot com and make sure to visit the Writer Writer Pants on Fire blog for additional interviews, query critiques and more as well as full transcriptions of each podcast episode. at WriterWriterPants on Fire.com. And don’t forget to check out the Writer, Writer, Pants on Fire Facebook page. Give me feedback, suggest topics you’d like to hear discussed, and let me know if there is someone you’d love to see as a guest.

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Mindy: We're here with Lorie Langdon, who is the author of The Happily Never After Disney Villains series. I've known you for a long time. You're a fellow Ohio author. We've been hitting the same locations and the same audience and the same festivals since 2013. You were just saying right before we started recording that you actually have not had a US release since 2018, even though you have been working back to back to back to back. So, why don't you explain that statement.

Lorie: It's actually an interesting story, I think, for writers out there who may be going through a lull in their career because that's exactly what happened to me. 2018, Olivia Twist came out to all this fanfare. It was in Target stores in the US. I got a film production deal, and then it just didn't sell. It didn't sell the way that my publisher had anticipated that it would or hoped that it would. So they said, 'Okay, we can't publish any more books with you. Sorry." So then I kind of took a break. Reassessed. You know, what do I wanna do? During that time, I taught writing workshops in Ireland and China, and did a lot of soul searching. Came back from China and decided I needed to write fantasy. I need to step into the genre that I actually love to read. I finished a book called The Princess Trials, which is kind of a romantic fantasy young adult. I was really proud of it. Went out on sub and got rejection after rejection after rejection. Part of it, I think, was the timing. Romantic fantasy wasn't as big as it is now, and also I think because my sales from my previous book were killing me. This is something that a lot of people outside of the industry don't realize. That if you have a previous book that doesn't sell, that it can actually tank your career. So probably about a year and a half I was just kind of spinning my wheels. Out of the blue, my agent emails me and she was like, "Hey, would you be interested in writing a Disney villain series?" I about screamed when I saw it, and I said, "Yes, I would." Come to find out they had been searching for an author to write this Disney villain origin love story series. It's about the younger version of the Disney villains. The editor at Disney Publishing Worldwide read Olivia Twist and thought I would be perfect for it. So we talked and they offered me the series within a week. It was a super fast turnaround, under the caveat that these books are to release internationally. They'll be releasing in countries all over the world, but not in the US. And that is because there are two other Disney villain series that are being released on a regular schedule in the US, and they didn't wanna compete with those other series.

Mindy: Different threads in my life have coalesced lately. And you're talking about Olivia Twist, and I remember when Olivia Twist came out. It was a big deal, and there was this huge canvas across the Internet. Everywhere I went, I saw it, and it was everywhere. And your name was everywhere, and you had gotten a film deal. And it was just like, "Oh my god, Lorie hit it. Like Lorie's doing great." And then it's like, "No, actually, that was almost the end of me." Things can look amazing and just simply not be the case. I was actually having a conversation with Beth Revis, I hope she doesn't mind me name-dropping her, but Beth Revis wrote Across the Universe, which came out, I think in 2012. Huge deal, right? She writes for Star Wars now. She has a Star Wars book. I was having a conversation with Beth just about different things in the publishing industry, and we were talking about non-traditional ways to go out and make money. Anything that you can in order to keep some money coming in. Like you were saying, you went overseas and taught. Beth and I were talking about these things and she was like, she said, "you know, I hope you don't mind me asking," but she's like, "You know, you're talking about how you are always trying to quilt pieces together in order to make something happen, and I'm not naïve. I know the industry, but looking online, I would imagine that you're fucking killing it." And I'm like, "No."

Lorie: Yeah. Not at all.

Mindy: I am not killing it. So if you could talk a little bit about how there is a little bit of an Instagram filter on that.

Lorie: Yeah, I think it is the perception, and we have been taught to make sure that the perception is that our books are doing well in order to make readers want to jump on board. I don't think I've ever seen an author come out on social media and say, "Guys, my books just aren't selling. You know, they're tanking. You probably don't wanna read them." I think that we just really try everything we can, and we do love our own books, right? So it's genuine. The passion comes from our hearts. It's not that we're being fake. We do want everyone to read our stories, so we put that out there and we hope that it comes back to us. But something else I forgot, talking about non-traditional routes. In between when I finished The Princess Trials and I got the Disney contract, I took a write-for-hire job. And it was a woman who had a story that she had told her children all the years they were growing up, and she wanted to turn it into a young adult book. And so we worked together and created a plot, and I wrote that book. They paid me to write it, of course. It hasn't been published as of yet, but that kind of also opened the door to Disney because when they found out that I had already worked with someone in a write-for-hire scenario, they were 100 percent on board. I do encourage people to look for those non-traditional paths, and a lot of times they can end up taking us exactly where we wanna go.

Mindy: Absolutely. They can bolster some skills that you never expected to need, and then you have them, and it is another tool in your work belt. So I write underneath a pen name... enjoy doing it, but it is a grind. You and I were talking earlier before we started recording about the grind which I definitely wanna come back to. But I write underneath a pen name. I do have an editorial service that I run underneath my own name. But I also hire out underneath a different name where I work as a freelancer for an agency. I also do collaborative writing through them as well. I also work extensively in writing non-fiction book proposals. It is something that I found completely boring and had no skills for and was just like this is a part of publishing that I do not care about. And this agency head-hunted me, and they contacted me, they were like, "Hey, we think that you would be good at this, and we'll teach you how. You get the clients, and the money gets split." And I was like, "sure, I'll give it a try." And I like it. Once I've got a template - it's like I understand how a non-fiction book proposal works now. I can put one together with someone else's material fairly easily, and it's just really kind of cool to have this...

Lorie: Yeah. That's an amazing skill to have.

Mindy: Yeah. I can't advertise it because I do it underneath a different name. If you aren't NYT and you aren't actually killing it, and even if you are NYT, I know plenty of people that are NYT that also have day jobs. So there is no one indicator for, yes, this person is doing just fine.

Lorie: That is so true.

Mindy: You were talking about that constant drive. The mix of loving what you're doing and loving the work. Like you were saying, you loved your princess book that you wrote that ultimately didn't land anywhere. You end up with these books that you love that, quite frankly, no one else does. So I have a book that I wrote, I mean, shoot, I probably wrote this book in 2005, and I am getting ready to publish it underneath my pen name. I wanna publish it. I care. Nobody else cares, and that's a hard place to be creatively when you have something that you love, and literally no one else does.

Lorie: Yeah, and I'm still hoping that The Princess Trials finds a home now that Disney is becoming more of my brand. And you can tell by the title that even though this is a fantasy, The Princess Trials also... is kind of fairy tale. I think I could fit in with the Disney brand that I'm building. I'm still hoping, and I hope that - you should self-publish that book because it's something that I've thought about many times.

Mindy: Yeah. I am, and that's what I do underneath my pen name. It's all self-pubbed, and that particular racket is its own monster. Everything is different. Nothing that you learn from trad-pub, as far as marketing and finding your audience carries over, and it's always changing. It's so dynamic, and you gotta pay to play. I know people don't wanna hear that, but you got to spend money to make money. You gotta market. You have to pay for ads. Everything's out of your pocket, and it's painful. And there's no guarantees, but that's true of everything. You were talking about the trad world and Olivia Twist getting so much attention and then just not actually performing. I've had that happen too. Not to the extent as far as coverage and marketing. But I tell a lot of people, fellow writers, when we talk, my publisher does a great job of making it seem like I do really well and everyone loves me. Because I always tell fellow writers, if I showed you my royalty statements, you would fall over dead. I don't sell that well.

Lorie: Yeah. That's interesting. It does seem like you're doing amazing, Mindy.

Mindy: I just keep writing.

Lorie: Sometimes it's timing. Like Olivia Twist. If it had released right around the time of Bridgerton, I believe it would have been a huge hit because it is a romantic historical retelling. It's very difficult to compete when... especially when it's not a new release, it's not in bookstores anymore. It's hard to bring it back out of the dark.

Mindy: So hard. I do sell pretty consistently and well within the library and educational markets. General reading public, honestly, I don't think really is very aware of me. Within education and library, I do well. I've been around long enough that I am also just so thankful that I get to do this for a living. I'm continuously grateful for everything that my publisher does for me and that they quite honestly keep me around. But I think that's where the perception of success comes in my world is simply because I produce consistently. It may not ever break out. I've never had a movie deal. I've never had a TV show. I've had rights sold. But as you know, that doesn't really count. But I can write consistently. And I sell pretty consistently.

Lorie: It's the author career. Typically, I know a lot of people who published a book or maybe two, and then they're out. But then if you want to make this your life-long career, I do believe it's consistency, and very few of us have that breakout moment. It's what we all hope for.

Mindy: Yes, it is. It's the pie in the sky.

Lorie: And everyone is like, "Hey, Lorie, you've made it. You're writing for Disney." It is amazing because I've always been a Disney girl. I used to sit in my bedroom and, I'm outing my age right now, but I would listen to those records that you have the book with and dream up additional stories for these characters. That's come full circle for me, and I have been given tremendous creative freedom at Disney. They've said, "Okay, we wanna write a first love story for these villains when they're young." Then they just said, "Go." And so I was able to do that for all of these books, and then they do have to go through levels of approval. So my editor and then Disney Animation Studios, as well as Live Action Studios on some of them, have had to give input. But typically it's very small changes that they ask me to make. There is an exception. So I just finished writing Captain Hook's story. When I submitted that outline Live Action Studios came back and said, "Why isn't Peter Pan in this book?" And, "We wanna see James Hook's first meeting with Peter Pan, and we wanna know why they don't like each other so much." And I about fell over. I'm like, "What? You want me to write this?"

Mindy: That becomes cannon now, correct?

Lorie: I believe so. Now, these books are not releasing in the US. I do have hopes that they will come here some day, but they are releasing all over the place. I just got word yesterday that Vanessa, which is Ursula/Vanessa, the first book in the series, is releasing in India, which that hadn't previously been part of the plan. They're coming out in Japan, in Australia, in New Zealand, France, the UK, Turkey. My US readers are like, "Why?" They're crying. They're like, "Why can't I get these?"

Mindy: Is there a way for them to get them?

Lorie: They can order Vanessa from Book Depository. The English version is on there, and it's around $23, but that includes the shipping from Australia.

Mindy: We were talking before we started recording about the grind, and about how you can hit a point where you are just working. The magic is a little bit gone. There may not be love in your heart. Very few of us are running towards our laptops first thing in the morning - bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and like I am gonna write today. There have been times when I felt like that, but it is rare. Especially lately. You and I are both talking about how we supplement our traditional income through different routes - teaching and non-traditional publishing routes. You hit a point where it is just a grind, and it is emotionally and mentally exhausting.

Lorie: I wrote four books for Disney back to back. I had six months to write each book. They're fantasy. They're not just little romance books. They all have fantasy magic. Huge plots. And especially with Captain Hook, he was one of my dream characters to write. And I wrote an origin story about him and Peter Pan, as I talked about, but it's mainly about him. And I feel like I poured everything into that book, my whole heart and soul into that book, and then I didn't even take a day off before I started the next one - which is the evil queen. I don't feel as connected. And I wanna feel connected. I wanna feel excited because this is a privilege to be able to do this, and I really am excited to be able to do it. But at the same time, I can't fight that burnout. I'm gonna get 600 words down. I'm gonna get 800 words down, or I'm gonna get a 1,000. If I get a 1,000, that's a good day. It's just not flowing out of me because I've kind of hit that creative wall. When you're on back-to-back deadlines, you just don't have that luxury. It's like, I feel as if, as a creative person, I really would prefer to have time to step back between each book to fill that creative well with nature and great movies and family and friends and experiences. And then when you come back at it, you come back at that next book, you're fresh. This is what I do, but I haven't really had that. And at the same time, when I think, "Do I want that?" Because I went through that long stretch of time where I did not have a book contract. And it was scary and upsetting, and I questioned whether or not I was going to continue in my author career. So having this contract is security. So you kinda have to balance those two things.

Mindy: Emotionally, it is a hell of a weight. I feel the same way. I grew up on a farm. I grew up bailing hay and getting stepped on by animals - throwing manure around. So the fact that I get to write books for a living is ridiculous, right? The fact that I sit down in front of a laptop and move my fingers and I get paid for that is just stupid to me. Sometimes if my publisher sends me on tour, they're like, "We've got you here, here, here and here. You've got two events on this day. Don't have a break in between. You don't have a day off. Is that okay?" And I'm always like, "Yes." You're asking me to put myself in front of people and talk about myself, or my book. This is not hard. Yes, I can do this, guys. And people are always like, “Man, you're such a workhorse.” I am, but I too have hit a point where it's like, man... why aren't words coming? It's not writer's block. I know what needs to happen next. It's not that I don't know what happens next. It's that I literally don't wanna sit down and work because it's hard. I'm tired. I don't have that love anymore. Different projects hit different points emotionally. Right now, I'm on a super tight deadline and it is my own fault. I have to, I absolutely must write today, and I have to write probably 3,000 words every day for the next four weeks, if I am gonna hit this deadline. There aren't options. There isn't... "Oh, you deserve a break. Go get ice cream." No. You're writing. Shut up, right? I did it to myself so this is not poor me. You just get so worn out and you feel it emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Lorie: And I think though, if you want to be an author, you have to put on your big girl panties and you have to do it. And it's like... I think so many people that I've known over the years are just maybe not able to.

Mindy: Yeah.

Lorie: For whatever reason. Whether it's outside influences, their life is too stressful, or they have another job or whatever it may be, internally, they're just not driven. But if you want to be an author that's published consistently, you have to be able to sit down and write. You have to put your butt in the chair and you have to do it, and it's like... sometimes you don't feel it. Sometimes it's not fun. But that's okay. This is what we do.

Mindy: If 43-year-old Mindy was talking to 33-year-old Mindy, and was like, "Hey, guess what. You write for a living now, and you're able to do this consistently. And you've got contracts coming, and you're self-publishing. And you've got these great little side gigs, and everything is going really well. But you're tired." I would be like, "Who fucking cares?"

Lorie: Yeah, right.

Mindy: Oh, poor you. Poor 43-year-old Mindy. Shut up, right?

Lorie: Get it together. Yeah, I mean, writing for Disney, it's like, if I could tell my younger self that I was going to do that, it would have changed my whole perspective on myself and my future. I wish we could go back and whisper that. It would take away so many insecurities and the fact that I grew up thinking I was not good at anything. When you get in a place, you don't wanna ever take it for granted, but I think it's hard not to sometimes. Sometimes when we're in one of these slumps, it's like, the work really is not good. But recently I sent the book I'm writing, The Evil Queen, to some friends and I was like, "Okay, what is wrong with this book? You guys have to help me." And they're like, "It's great. It's wonderful. It's you." You're just... It's me mentally, just not connecting with it, even though the words are coming out and flowing. Emotionally, creatively, I'm just not feeling it.

Mindy: I feel that way with pretty much every book I write. While I'm writing it, I am convinced it is shit. I remember writing The Female of the Species and being like, "This one's getting phoned in. You're not doing it. This is not working. This one's dead in the water. You flubbed it. You're just gonna have to get this one out and then move on to the next thing." And it's my best-selling book. The Female of the Species  is the book that people know me for. So yeah, you don't know it. When you're in it, you have no clue if what you're doing is good or not, and generally, I just think it's terrible.

Lorie: When I was writing Hook, I was so like in it, and I knew it was good. And that feeling is a high. Those books and characters that flow out of us and that we connect to... It's such a rarity these days. That then I go on to something else and I'm like, "Okay, I'm not connecting. This sucks." But it's not the case.

Mindy: Well, and the disparity between how you feel about it at the time, or while you're writing it, and how it performs can be a little bit of a gut punch. When I was writing my fantasy series, Given to the Sea and Given to the Earth, I was like, "Oh dude, you're killing it. These are good. You're a fantasy writer, right?" Literally, no one has read those books - like my mom and my editor and my mom didn't even really like them that much.

Lorie: That's how I feel about Gilt Hollow, which is a murder mystery that I wrote. A young adult suspenseful kind of romantic mystery that everyone in my family and friends, who have read all of my books except for the Disney books, they're like, "This is your best book. This book is amazing. I love this book." And no one read it. No one read it. Didn't go.

Mindy: It isn't a reflection of the quality of the books. You were talking earlier, it's just timing. And I am not a fantasy author, I just happened to have two fantasies in me. So I wrote them and the fantasy market was like, "Who are you?" And my readership was like, "What is this?"

Lorie: Yeah, that's true. It's like me with the contemporary mystery. They're like, "What is this?" Because I just had this mystery in me, and I'm really a fantasy writer.

Mindy: So we were talking about just writing in general, and that burnout feeling. And how sometimes we do feel super connected to something that we're writing, and sometimes we're just not. Sometimes we are just plugging and we are writing words and we are not feeling it. When it comes to what I always call the shiny new idea - the bright, shiny, new idea - those always feel so good when they come, and you're like, "Yes, this is magic." Though once you start trying to write it and you touch it, it does get tarnished a little bit because it's never going to be what you have in your head. You're just getting as close as you can with your words. Can you talk a little bit about where you get your ideas from? 'Cause that's such a common question.

Lorie: That is the most common thing that people ask me who are not authors, obviously, and it's very difficult to answer because inspiration comes from everywhere. For example, I was originally signed to write three books for the Villain series, which was Vanessa, Gaston, and Yzma from Emperor's New Grove, which was hilarious, by the way. It was so fun to write. And as I was finishing up Yzma, I was watching a baking show, and this woman made a cake that was a pirate scavenger hunt cake. There was a little like icing ball that you drop into a tunnel and it opens up a cave that opens up into a waterfall and then the treasure comes out. And for whatever reason, I saw that and I was like, "I'm gonna write Captain Hook's story." I called my editor. I said, "Hey, I know our contract is ending, but I have this amazing idea." And she's like, "Yep, you're gonna do that." And it was like cake. It can be anything. I think when we get that inspiration though, it's so exciting. And it's not, for me these days, not super common. How about you?

Mindy: It is random. I think part of it is just the jaded end of being in the business for so long. I'll have an idea - "cool idea. I like that." But it's not in your market. It's not what you write. The audience is different. Dead on arrival. You don't write that. I had an idea for a middle grade. It would have been in verse and it would have been highly cloaked so that only the person that needed this book would understand. I had an idea about writing a book about a girl that was being abused by her older brother, because it happens, and people don't wanna talk about it. And I had it. I spent like three days walking around cleaning the house, and I'd be like, "Here's a phrase. Here's a phrase. Here's an idea." And I was just living in this little girl's head so completely, and I never wrote a damn word down. I never did anything with it because I've never written anything in verse. There's been chapters in some of my books that are in verse, but I've never written in verse. And my editor has said to me before, "I'm not sure that I would even know how to edit something in verse." Number two, I don't write for middle grade. That would be a big leap. Number three, content. And especially where we are at right now with the general public and schools and the education market, which, as I said before, which is where I sell well, like school and libraries, being heavily watched. And all these eyes on it and watch dogs, and it's like, "Yeah, sure, you're gonna write a book about a fifth grader being sexually assaulted. That's gonna get published." So it was like there were three things. There was market. There was a format, and there was public perception at the time. And I was like, "This is what I wanna write. I am on fire. This is in my head, and it won't get out and I wanna write this." And I never even bothered to write a single thing down because...

Lorie: That's so hard.

Mindy: I know. I knew it was pointless. I knew it was a waste of my time.

Lorie: It does feel like though something like that could come back and the timing could be right, even though middle grades, something that your readership would latch on to.

Mindy: I agree, and I had all of these thoughts. And it was like I had this thing that I was just kind of living for three or four days, and it really had a hold of me, you know how that goes.

Lorie: And it could be important. It could be a really important story to tell.

Mindy: But at the same time, it's like I have actual deadlines. I've got things I'm writing under this pen name. I got online classes that I wanna put together. I've got editorial work waiting on me. You can make money on this, this, and this. But right now, your time is better spent doing the things that you know can work.

Lorie: A similar thing is when there's something that you did pour your heart and soul into. It was a great idea. You wrote it, and then something similar is out in the market, like the same time. That actually is happening with Hook because there is a book that just came out with Disney, and it's part of the Villain series where the movie is told from the villain's perspective in a book. I knew that Hook had a version of that coming out this year. I have not read it, but the blurb says that it is James Hook's origin story, which is completely out of format for that series. And it's exactly what I wrote and exactly what I was told to write. So I wonder, what is the future of this? And it was a little heartbreaking. You know, those things are like our babies, right? The books are really part of me, I feel like.

Mindy: There are only so many ideas. There are only so many ideas, and there are only so many plot lines. Publishers Marketplace will be like so and so sold this, and it's a gender flipped Count of Monte Cristo. And you're just like, "Well, okay. I guess I'm not writing that."

Lorie: Yeah. Well, I have kind of a similar situation with Doon, which is my first series that I co-write with Carey Corp. And it's a re-imagining of Brigadoon, and it's set in Scotland. Fantasy. It's not time travel, but the girls do travel to a mystical land. The portal only opens once every hundred years. But right when those books were coming out, Outlander started releasing their television series. Well, I had read Outlander back in the early 90s, and it was an inspiration for me. But it was so old, like nobody cared about Outlander anymore. I named my prince Jamie, as an homage to Jamie Fraser, because he's one of my favorite characters of all time. But my character was worlds different than Jamie Fraser. But I still to this day get people saying, "This is just a knock-off of Outlander." And if the TV series hadn't come out, this never would have been an issue. And it's so dissimilar, but that's kind of what happens.

Mindy: I know. When The Female of the Species came out, you know how many people were like, "Oh my God, have you seen Hard Candy?" No, I haven't seen Hard Candy, and they're like, "Well, because that's what your book is." I'll never watch it because I'm tired of hearing about it. So last thing, why don't you let listeners know where they can find you online and where they can get some of your books. I know that your recent releases aren't necessarily available in the US, but you definitely have other things available.

Lorie: Yeah, you can find me on Amazon, and all of my books, that are not the Disney Series, are available on Amazon still. And actually there's a promotion right now that the first book in the Doon series is free. So the e-book is free right now. Our publisher decided to bring it back out because it's something we feel is a classic. So that is a free option for you to read one of my books. And then Vanessa, as I said, can be found on Book Depository and probably Gaston soon as well. You can find on Instagram at Lori Langdon underscore author, and that's basically where I hang out.

Mindy:     Writer Writer Pants on Fire is produced by Mindy McGinnis. Music by Jack Korbel. Don't forget to check out the blog for additional interviews, writing advice and publication tips at Writer Writer Pants on Fire dot com. If the blog or podcast have been helpful to you or if you just enjoy listening, please consider donating. Visit Writer Writer Pants on Fire dot com and click “support the blog and podcast” in the sidebar.