The Saturday Slash

Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.

I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.

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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.

I was looking for Literary Agents in the market for unique, out-of-the-box Science Fiction stories featuring BIPOC, and a search led me to your website. I am writing in hopes that you will find my 51,560 word sci-fi sports story “War/Game” interesting. Not a bad way to start, but I always encourage writers to open with the hook. They know that you're looking for an agent, b/c you're querying them. Everyone has a title, a genre and a wordcount. Start with what makes you unique - the hook of your book. Also, word count can be rounded - so this would be 52k.

Ahmed Dean is a star point guard for a lowly basketball team in the midst of one of their worst seasons. Right now this hook isn't indicating in any way that this is an SF story. It sounds like a straight up sports tale He came to this team to change its losing attitude and habits for the better, but inept play from his teammates, clashes with coaches and the selfishness of the other star player on the team are wearing on him. He is losing track of time and alienating himself from his friends, fans and girlfriend. What does this mean? How? What does losing time look like? A season-defining game against his defending champion former team is right around the corner, and Ahmed cannot afford to fail. Again, all the focus here seems to be on sports, not SF.

Ahmed Dean is a leader of a small army of freedom fighters sent from planet Earth to liberate planet Mars from a tyrannical rule. The enemy is always well prepared for Ahmed’s army, and his troops are losing every battle. The grind of surviving a losing you've got an echo here with losing war on a foreign planet with a harsh climate, hazardous sandstorms and giant man-eating wurms is making it hard for him to rest, and he frequently blacks out from sleep deprivation. One final, desperate raid on a crucial military post is his last hope of turning the tide of the war, and Ahmed cannot afford to fail.

One of these worlds is real. The other one is all in Ahmed’s mind.

And Ahmed needs to figure out which is which before his losses cost him everything. What is everything? What is at stake? Losing his mind? Losing the war? Losing a basketball game? I think what you have here is interesting in a Fight Club type of way, but you'll need to be more clear about what is at stake - and I would also advise opening with the SF element, rather than the contemporary basketball element.

I am an African-American writer, and I have already had four novels published. Did they do well? If so, mention the titles. If they did badly, I wouldn't mention them at all. I wrote and illustrated a webcomic for three years, definitely link it and I was an entertainment journalist for the Michigan Daily Newspaper. I studied creative writing under the tutelage of Jonis Agee (Strange Angels, South of Resurrection) and Tish O’Dowd (Floaters). I also maintain a weekly writing advice blog at www.proseandquans.substack.com Just as an FYI, I get an error message when I try to visit this link = uses an unsupported protocol

The first few pages and a complete synopsis is available upon request. I thank you for your time and look forward to your response.

A Conversation with Laurence Leamer, Author of Capote's Women

New York Times bestselling author Laurence Leamer reveals the complex web of relationships and scandalous true stories behind Truman Capote's never-published final novel, Answered Prayers--the dark secrets, tragic glamour, and Capote's ultimate betrayal of the group of female friends he called his "swans."

"There are certain women," Truman Capote wrote, "who, though perhaps not born rich, are born to be rich." Barbara "Babe" Paley, Gloria Guinness, Marella Agnelli, Slim Hayward, Pamela Churchill, C. Z. Guest, Lee Radziwill (Jackie Kennedy's sister)--they were the toast of midcentury New York, each beautiful and distinguished in her own way. These women captivated and enchanted Capote--and at times, they infuriated him as well. He befriended them, received their deepest confidences, and ingratiated himself into their lives. Then, in one fell swoop, he betrayed them in the most surprising and shocking way possible.

Bestselling biographer Laurence Leamer delves into the years following the acclaimed publication of Breakfast at Tiffany's in 1958 and In Cold Blood in 1966, when Capote struggled with a crippling case of writer's block. While enjoying all the fruits of his success--including cultivating close friendships with the richest and most admired women of the era--he was struck with an idea for what he was sure would be his most celebrated novel...one based on the remarkable, racy lives of his very, very rich friends.

For years, Capote attempted to write what he believed would have been his magnum opus, Answered Prayers. But when he eventually published a few chapters in Esquire, the thinly fictionalized lives (and scandals) of his closest female confidantes were laid bare for all to see. The blowback incinerated his relationships and banished Capote from their high-society world forever...a world that was already crumbling, though none of them realized it yet. Laurence Leamer recreates in detail the lives of these fascinating swans, their friendships with Capote and one another, and the doomed quest to write what could have been one of the greatest novels of the twentieth century.

You’ve had a prolific non-fiction career, with a bestselling list of iconic biographies on political and pop culture figures including the Reagans, the Kennedys, Johnny Carson, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. What types of stories and people are you drawn to? What drew you to Capote and his world?

I don’t care if my main character is a politician, a movie star, a television personality, or a crusading lawyer. What matters is that they are playing their game at the highest level. Truman was a tiny, gay man from a small town in Alabama with scarcely a high school education. He set out to become the greatest writer of his age, and he came pretty damn close. That is the game he played at the highest level and a tale worth telling.

You’ve also written books on Palm Beach: Madness Under the Royal Palms and Mar-a-Lago. How has Palm Beach sparked your fascination with wealth, celebrity, and scandal?

I am a professor’s son, and when my wife and I purchased our winter home in Palm Beach in 1994, I had no idea what we were getting into. In 1926, Scott F. Fitzgerald wrote that the rich “are different from you and me.” Ernest Hemingway retorted, “Yes, they have more money.” Hemingway got the best of it in one of the most famous exchanges in literary history, but Fitzgerald was right. The rich are different, and for almost thirty years I have been a bemused observer to their world and have attempted to write about it with honesty and depth. The island is one of the most beautiful places in the world, and I am fortunate enough to spend half my time in my Palm Beach condo. There are all kinds of fascinating people, and I have written about many of them.

What do you think would have happened if Capote had published Answered Prayers? Do you see the unfinished manuscript as a tragic loss or a saving grace?

If Capote has published a book based largely on what we know he had written, it would have been savaged by honest critics. But if he had written the book he set out to write, he would have had his masterpiece and we would speak his name in reverential tones.

If you could sit down with any of the women in your book, who would it be? What would you ask her?

I would give almost anything to talk to any of these women, but if I must choose one it would be Babe Paley. I would have only one question: Why? Why did you put up with Bill Paley? Was luxury so important to you that you traded for it with your happiness?

Are there aspects of Capote’s New York City era that you wish still existed? What, if anything, has lasted?

I always put down social formality. I thought it was absurd that people dressed up to walk down Worth Avenue, Palm Beach’s celebrated shopping street. And I hated the way maitre d’s looked potential patrons up and down, and if they weren’t just right there was no available table or they were exiled to Siberia. I realize now how often wrong I was and what good things there were in Capote’s world. At few months ago, my wife and I had dinner at Cafe L’Europe, one of the island’s finest restaurants. Across from us were two obese men in shorts, T-shirts, and flip-flops eating gluttonously. At another table a party of ten shouted in such a high pitch that it was impossible to talk. When the manager came over to chat, I asked him about this. He said they were losing so much business, they had had to end their dress code. When I walk down Worth Avenue these days, it loos like a locker room. Glamour is dead and I’m sorry it’s gone.

Capote’s Women echoes your previous book, The Kennedy Women, in its exploration into the inner lives of women in a pre-feminist era. What interests you about the female perspective? Were you surprised by anything you learned from writing either book?

When I wrote The Kennedy Women, people told me they were amazed that it had been written by a man. I don’t know how I got it, but I think I have a feminine sensitivity. I wrote about these women as human beings, and in doing so I nailed the female perspective. In that era and probably now, many men were not truly interested in women. They wanted to sleep with them and have them on their arm but not to listen to them. Like Capote, I love talking to women and all my life have had many women friends. They are provocative, daring, insightful, and unafraid of intimacy. As far as what surprised me, I guess I’m always surprised at what people will put up with - whether it’s waiting on hold with an airline for four hours or staying married to a lout of a husband so you can have your home in the Hamptons.