Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
"When the Devil Wants to Hide, He Disappears in Plain Sight." Unsure why this is in quotes? Are these your original words? If so, they shouldn't be in quotes, because that makes it seem like you are referencing someone else's work. As a hook, it's not bad, but I'd ditch the quotes if it's your own wording.
Over millennia, Lucifer Morningstar has transformed from heaven's rebel to puppet master, manipulating realms and beings alike. Six thousand years ago, to strengthen his rebellion, he gave humans a taste of the divine from the Fountain of Eden. Now, appearing to have met his end, his death is but a ruse that has sparked a series of events beyond mortal comprehension. You're making a lot of references here to Christian mythology and relying on Biblical knowledge that the reader might not have. It's well written, but I have to culturally read between the lines to know what you are referencing. A reader who isn't already familiar with the origin of Satan and the Fall, won't understand. Also, how has Lucifer met his end? What happened?
Three souls find themselves entangled in Lucifer's intricate web: What's Lucifer's end goal? What does he want? How does this web work and what's the end game?
Amadioha Kamanu, a fierce leader in Niri's war against the oppressive Vodun nation, is on the brink of a revolution. Internal, external, both? But as he contends with internal betrayals and a fragmented alliance, he must discern friend from foe and question his own motivations in a war that continually reshapes him. Sounds like both. I also think we need more detail here. We've got good guys, bad guys, revolution, a conflicted leader... what makes this different from every other story that has these things?
Ikenga Umoren, willing to break the holiest edicts for love, inadvertently unleashes Eshm, a formidable spirit, setting off a tragic chain of events. As he grapples with the dire consequences, a sinister shadow suggests he's but a pawn in a much grander game. Again, too vague. I don't know why Ikenga did this other than general "love," or what this chain of events is, let alone the consequences.
Major Lilith Saeon, a dedicated officer of Hell's Masina Army, is unjustly framed for Lucifer's supposed death. Her fierce loyalty to her homeland wavers as she's thrust into a whirlwind of treachery. Again, need more. I think it's interesting to include a character on the "wrong" side, so we need to know more about who she is, not just plot points
As events unfold, the true depth of Lucifer's plans becomes apparent. The Arch Angels might have forgotten about him, but he has not forgotten about them. With multiple realms at the brink of upheaval, the eternal dance of light and shadow prepares for its most tumultuous performance. Everything is well written and interesting, but it's all too vague. What does this boil down to? Good vs. evil. We know this story, it's all stories. What is distinct and different about these characters? This plot? What are the events that are unfolding?
With the intricate weaving of divinity and deception reminiscent of Neil Gaiman's "American Gods" and the deep exploration of African mythologies akin to Marlon James' "Black Leopard, Red Wolf," "The Eden Ruse" is a 110k-word narrative that invites readers to question the boundaries of good and evil. Great comp titles and an awesome closing para here, but you need a stated genre. I think the concept is interesting and your writing is good, but everything is vague, so nothing stands out.
"The Eden Ruse" is my debut fiction, enriched by 15 formative years in Nigeria and two decades in the U.S. I have uniquely woven these cultural tapestries into a narrative unlike any other. Get this personal info into the para above. Your relevant experience is important, although you don't need to state that it's your debut. Also, I wouldn't claim it's a narrative unlike any other - the query isn't holding up to that. Show us that in the query, rather than telling us in the closing line.
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