The Saturday Slash

Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.

I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.

If the Saturday Slash has been helpful to you in the past, or if you’d like for me to take a look at your query please consider making a donation, if you are able.

If you’re ready to take the next step, I also offer editing services.

My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.

Ciel Briar’s sole dream is to escape her abusive mother. Great hook, thank you! A dream that gnaws at her insides due to the impossibility. However, this isn't a complete sentence so I'd combine the two and explain why it's an impossibilty. That is, until the charming Crown Prince of Eireann hosts a birthday celebration held solely You've got a couple of echoes here with sole/solely and holds/held An echo is when you use the same or similar words too closely together, and is best avoided. for the youthful faeries of the kingdom. The party is dazzling, but not more than the handsome stranger courting her. Mid-swoon, she discovers he's the Crown Prince's assassin, I feel like it's hard to discover anything while swooning and as the only one who can identify him, she becomes a valuable asset to the kingdom. Is she an asset or a threat? I don't understand why her knowing who the assassin is would be a big deal... unless I'm reading this wrong and he's not a court assassin, as in an employee, but rather he was actually sent to kill the Crown Prince. Which raises the question of whether he was succesful or not.

Welcomed into the safety of the castle walls, Ciel learns of the royal family’s esteemed bodyguards. The Watchers are the answer to escaping her wicked mother, How is her mother wicked? Why does she want to escape her? How are they the answer? but Ciel must prove herself worthy before the assassin is found or else return home. Worthy of what? The chances are slim for an untrained, weak faerie like her to become part of the elite guards. Why would she need to become part of the elite guard? Doesn't the fact that she can ID this guy make her important enough? Desperate, she finds the perfect opportunity when a starry-eyed woman approaches her, telling her of the assassin’s location. If Ciel can find him before the kingdom does, she will earn Watcher status, but the woman is a witch, and Ciel is ambushed. Forced into a magical bargain with the assassin, she's now a rebel spy. I don't understand why she wouldn't just tell the Watchers where he is... unless what you're trying to say is that her only chance of escaping her mother is by becoming a Watcher, and in order to do that, she's got to nab him herself. This all needs clarified.

The game she must play is tricky, and as Ciel learns the rules, she discovers her kingdom is more flawed than she imagined. With a rebellion on the rise, she must decide which side she wants to take: her beloved Crown Prince, or the cunning assassin tugging at her heart. This was the first time there's any mention of her having any sort of romantic feelings for either one of these fellows.

I saw that you represented [author name] with [book name], and I am excited to seek your representation for A KINGDOM OF STARFLOWERS AND BLOOD, a young adult fantasy romance complete at 100,000 words. An Irish folklore setting with themes of political intrigue, power, and resilience, it will appeal to fans of Witches of Ash and Ruin by E. Latimer and Powerless by Lauren Roberts. Good comp titles. The YA fantasy market is absolutely flooded right now, and breaking in will be difficult. If you can get your word count under 100k, that might help.

Last year, I won the Kingsmead Book Fair Young Writers’ Competition for the young adult age category, a national writing competition in South Africa. Currently, I intern at Future House Publishers. Great bio!

Overall, there are quite a few instances here where you know what you're trying to convey, so it reads correctly to you, but the reader doesn't have the background knowledge, so it's confusing. Clarify that the assassin is an enemy, not in the Prince's employ (that's how I first read it). Explain why her mother is so horrible and why escaping her is impossible, and clarify why becoming a Watcher herseelf is the only way out. Also, you say she swooned but that's the only indication that she's got eyes for either one of the male characters, and if a romance / love triangle is a part of this, that will need to be included, as well as some nod to the role each of these guys will play - is the Prince a nice guy, who doesn't want power? Is the assassin a lone wolf who doesn't want to fall for her, either? Just one line for each of the fellows will give us some feel for them as characters.

Introducing Authored & The Rising Talent Competition

Authored's Rising Talent Competition

Prize Pool: Minimum $1,000

Authored’s Rising Talent Competition discovers new manuscripts for the industry and helps writers develop their work long-term. This competition was developed to identify high-quality manuscripts written by promising authors.

Prices & Deadlines
Applications open June 30
Early $55 - Deadline July 6
Regular $65 - Deadline July 27
Final $75 - Deadline August 10

About
Authored’s inaugural Rising Talent Competition identifies promising manuscripts through a comprehensive review process, which includes an evaluation of the manuscript’s query letter, synopsis, and first ten pages. Our focus is on securing representation for authors, supporting diverse voices, and championing ambitious storytelling. All reviewers are literary agents or published authors. Each submission will receive a score, which the author can choose to display on their query for agents to see.

Benefits
Authored selects up to 12 finalists, and from that group, one winner.

• 50% of prize pool will go to the grand prize winner*
• Remaining 50% of prize pool will go to finalists*
• Finalists receive detailed feedback on the first 10 pages
• Finalists receive a Q&A session with Mark Tavani, David Black Agency
• Winner and finalists will receive badges, which will be displayed prominently on Authored
• Winner and finalists submissions will be highlighted on Authored
• Every submission will receive a score, which the author can choose to display on their query. This score will be prominently featured in our query database for agents and industry professionals to see.This allows authors to highlight the quality of their query to agents, even if they are not finalists.
• Additionally, we provide authors with a feedback form explaining how the score was derived.This feedback helps applicants improve the weakest parts of their query, enhancing their chances of securing an agent.

*a portion of each submission is allocated towards the prize pool. We will update the prize pool amount periodically as we receive submissions.

Announcement Dates
August 19 Finalists announced
August 26 Grand Prize Winner announced

Rules
Judging is based primarily on the overall quality of the query, including the author’s storytelling ability and fundamental components of the manuscript (e.g. dialogue, plot, structure, and character). Commercial potential, originality, and writing style are also weighed to various degrees.

Judges and Participants

Mark Tavani - David Black Literary Agency (finalist Q&A)

Mark Tavani started his publishing career in 2000 with Ballantine Books and spent over 23 years with Penguin Random House, Bantam, Del Rey, and G.P. Putnam's Sons. He edited bestsellers and award-winners across numerous categories of fiction and nonfiction, including books by Jim Abbott, Steve Berry, C.J. Box, Robert Crais, Justin Cronin, Clive and Dirk Cussler, Jeffery Deaver, George Dohrmann, Lisa Gardner, Jack McCallum, Lisa Scottoline, Bill Simmons, and R.L. Stine. He is now thrilled to have joined the David Black Literary Agency, where he represents both fiction and nonfiction.

Kristina Sutton Lennon - CEO/Co-Founder of Focused Artists (judge)

Kristina Sutton Lennon is a bilingual, Latiné, media executive and the CEO/Co-Founder of Focused Artists, where she serves as a literary agent. Kristina has facilitated book deals with publishers, including HarperCollins, Hachette, and National Geographic. She also pitches content to producers, studios and networks, and has projects in various stages of development with production companies. She previously served as a film/tv agent and as the Director of the Louisiana Division for a talent agency headquartered in Atlanta. Kristina recently served as the Director of Media Rights at Context Literary Agency and currently serves as a Talent Manager managing actors for Citizen Skull. In 2022, Publishers Weekly named her an Honoree in their annual Rising Star Watch List.

Chelsea Hensley - kt literary (judge)

Chelsea Hensley is an agent at kt literary where she represents a varied list of clients writing across ages and genres and a few who are also illustrating. She began her agenting career in 2020 and continues to build a list that reflects her own diverse tastes, from the lushest of fantasies to the tensest thrillers, steamy, hilarious romcoms to smart sci-fi, lyrical picture books to plucky middle grade, and imaginative, innovative horror to intelligent, deeply researched nonfiction. In all areas, Chelsea enjoys bold work from ambitious creators who share her unrelenting drive to succeed in a challenging industry.

Andie Smith - The Booker Albert Literary Agency (judge)

Andie Smith is a Junior Agent at The Booker Albert Literary Agency where she started as a Literary Intern in 2022. She is also a writer and editor of multiple genres. Andie has previously served as a writer and editor for several local newspapers and magazines in Central Florida and is the Founder of Sun & Spines Editorial, where she offers a variety of editing services for authors. When she’s not agenting, she’s spending time with her husband and two kitties or hanging out at Disney World.

Trinica Sampson-Vera - New Leaf Literary and Media (judge)

Trinica Sampson-Vera graduated from Antioch College with a degree in Creative Writing and French. After several editorial internships during college, she moved to Austin and found an unexpected home in social services, where she worked for five years as a case manager to those experiencing chronic homelessness. Prior to beginning at New Leaf, she worked as an independent editor with Salt & Sage Books and Writing Diversely. They are passionate about championing diverse voices and particularly love speculative fiction; adventurous, character-driven stories with largely emotional stakes; stories featuring Caribbean characters/settings; and stories where queer characters find happy endings.

Paula Weiman - ASH Literary (judge)

Paula Weiman joined ASH Literary as an agent after a career in literary scouting and educational publishing. Based in New York and with a background in foreign rights, they bring an international approach to selling their clients’ work. Their goal is to help as many children as possible to see their experiences represented on the page for the first time. They're open to submissions in middle grade, young adult, and speculative adult fiction.

Mindy McGinnis - Edgar Award-winning novelist (judge)

Mindy McGinnis is an Edgar Award-winning novelist who writes across multiple genres, including post-apocalyptic, historical, thriller, contemporary, mystery, and fantasy. Mindy participated in #PitchWars as a mentor for two years, steering her mentees through multiple drafts and heavy editing. Both of her mentees secured agents, and one even ended up signing at Mindy’s publishing house, Harper Collins.

Guidelines

• Authors submit a default query letter, synopsis, and the first ten pages of their manuscript through Authored. If a manuscript is over 3,000 words, the author will be required to pay $0.05 per word
• Applicants must not be agented at the time of submission
• Co-authors are allowed
• All genres are allowed, including children’s books
• No limit on the number of entries. Each entry is a separate fee
• All rights to the material remain with the entrant, whether they place as a finalist or not
• The manuscript entered must not have been published in any way
• Applicants must be 18 years old at the time of entry
• In order to run a fair contest for all entrants, revisions or missing pages will not be accepted under any circumstances once an entry has been assigned to a judge
• If the submission is rewritten and the original entry has already been assigned to a judge, the author may resubmit the submission as a new entry for consideration in the contest. This is treated as its own entry and requires the full entry fee
• Once an entry has been submitted and payment has been processed no refunds will be issued
• Substitutions of the entered material will be allowed for a limited time (provided the entry has not already been assigned to a judge) with a $8 reentry fee. Please proofread your submission carefully before submitting
• By entering the competition, you represent and affirm that your entry is an original creative work, and does not infringe, misappropriate or violate the copyright, trademark or other intellectual rights of any third party
• Submissions must be in English
• Applicants must reside in the US, Canada, or UK

The Saturday Slash

Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.

I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.

If the Saturday Slash has been helpful to you in the past, or if you’d like for me to take a look at your query please consider making a donation, if you are able.

If you’re ready to take the next step, I also offer editing services.

My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.

After Claire catches real feelings for a dating app match that dupes her, she swears off romance to focus on her fitness brand. The ordeal ends with shots fired on both sides—including cheap ones Claire dearly wishes she could take back. Shots at who? The guy from the app? Is this public? Is it hurting her brand? Or is this just a personal issue? Channeling her heartbreak into bulking up her start-up, Claire empowers women on their health journeys for years—until the official launch of her business implodes, and only one IT genius can save the day. So did this dating mishap occur years in the past, and the business launch is a current event?

When IT freelancer Will meets his new client, he isn’t surprised Claire doesn’t recognize him from their dating app encounter. He’s turned his health around, using his newfound passion for activity to climb out of his rut. This info makes me feel like we need to know more about what exactly went wrong with their date / meeting The impetus for his transformation was to take control of his future, especially when his past is a place he’d rather escape. The unexpected reunion with Claire enables him to rewrite a painful piece of that history, and maybe, have a second chance with the girl he’s never been able to forget. Yep, I definitely think we need to know what went wrong.

After striking a deal to bring her start-up to life, Claire and Will find a mutual passion for wellness and sexual magnetism so heavy they can benchpress it. But every moment they're together brings her closer to recognizing Will as the man who deceived her; a revelation that will shatter their connection and tank her career. Although Will wants to believe Claire can love him for who he truly is, the acceptance he needs most starts with loving himself. If Claire can’t curb the reckless ambition that’s burned every bridge in her life, she’ll lose the only ally who can save her business and her heart. I feel like Claire wasn't cast in this light until now. It was reading like Will made a mistake and doesn't want to be found out, not that Claire also had a character flaw that could tank the relationship. This reads well, but we need to know what went wrong years ago, and Claire's foibles need to be clear as well.