The Saturday Slash

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Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.

I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.

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Seventeen-year-old Catinca Dobromir is determined not to disappoint her father; she knows better. Decent hook here, but maybe some indication about what "knowing better" looks like. For example - the rows of hides on spike outside her window, etc. But life in eighteenth-century rural Transylvania is not easy, and life as the daughter of an ambitious uprising clan leader is brutal. As her father slaughters his way to become the leader of all Shadows, What does that mean? What is a Shadow? Catinca struggles to stay alive, knowing that in his pursuit of power, her father will sacrifice everyone and anyone standing in his way. How is she in his way, though? What threat does she pose? When her father returns from battle with a new ally, a man even her father fears, the gods finally bestow on Catinca a way out. How? What is the way out and how is it related to this man? Or so she hopes, because she is both terrified and drawn to the man like nothing else. If this is a romantic entanglement, you don't want to refer to him as a man. He needs to her age, and not an adult, for sure.

As a young child, Darmiann witnessed his family’s massacre, the slaughter of his entire clan. And every war he fought since, every man he killed, prepared him for this moment—the moment he would pay his family’s butcher in his own coin. But he does not intend to bless the son of a whore with swift death. No, he will start with his loved ones, with the apple of his eye—his daughter. But if she is the apple of her father's eye, why is she worried that she'll fall victim to her father? That is the plan, at least, until he meets her, Catinca, a witty tangle of curls and scratched knees, This description makes her seem flat out child-like, which could again become an issue for readers if there's a big age disparity. with a heart both brave and soft, and no self-preservation instinct whatsoever. How could she survive so long in this world with no instaincts? And before he knows it, she is under his skin, and everything he worked toward, the vengeance he so much desires, threatens to crumble.

The solution presents itself when a rival clan moves for power. All Darmiann must do is step aside, and he would rid himself of the weakness she has plagued him with. What does this mean? Let someone else kill her? And yet, that one step might prove harder to take than the sum of all steps that brought him thus far. Because in his case, Darmiann discovers, when the gods decide to piss on him, they give him precisely what he needs, not what he is desires. I don't understand how giving him what he needs (or desires) equals pissing on him.

BRIGHTER THE LIGHT is a 90.000 words historical paranormal So if it's not YA you can probably get a little wiggle room with the age difference, but I'm not getting any whiff of paranormal from this. You'll need to clarify where that comes in. romance set in eighteenth-century Transylvania, written in both Catinca’s and Darmiann’s point of view.

I am a desperate housewife, Well, true or not, don't know that claiming to be desperate ever endeared someone to anyone else. mom to one fantastic kid, twelve dogs, fourteen chickens, and I’ve lost count of the fish. When I’m not cleaning the coop, feeding the dogs, the kid, and occasionally the husband, I love to read and especially write fantasy novels.

Not having any publishing credits is fine, but don't go for an overly cutesy bio, either. DEFINITELY mention that you live in Romania, as this is important information that speaks to your ability to write this story.