Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
I’m excited to query you with my novel SERENDIPI-DON’T (70,000 words). This Serendipity-inspired could I'm old, but I don't know what you're referencing here. Also not a romance fan, so that could be it, too romance pairs the heat and witty banter of Emily Henry’s Funny Story with the lifestyle rebuilding of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. Although specifically targeted toward Gen Z and Millennial women, SERENDIPI-DON’T is perfect for anyone who's ever worried about the soon-to-be ex-partners stumbling along in the background of their favorite end-game romances.
Bridget and John are the perfect couple. They go together like WASPs and white wine, celery juice and Soul Cycle. that's a big lol from me
Except now, unexpectedly, they don’t.
Because John just ended his engagement to Bridget to pursue the love of his life – the love of his life who isn’t his long-term, live-in girlfriend and current fiancé. No, no. The love of John’s life is a woman he hardly knows at all, a woman he spent a few magical hours with ten years ago but has never forgotten.
And, wouldn’t you know it? On the morning of John’s wedding to not-the-love-of-his-life, fate stepped in to push him toward that magical, mystery woman.
Fate! Who can argue with that?
Bridget, that’s who. Well, at least she can try.
While on a desperate hunt for answers, what does this mean? Answers to what? Is she trying to get him back? Bridget’s neglected friendships, lackluster career, and ancient goldendoodle are all that’s left to comfort her in the wake of the disastrous gamble she made that John was to be her future husband. Are the friendships and career in this state b/c she put everything into John? A little clarification would be good.
That is until an unexpected run-in with her neighbor, Ollie, who transforms Bridget’s misguided quest for answers into a shared game. Need more on that. What kind of a game? Group sex? Scavenger Hunt? Weightlifting competition? What follows for Bridgette and Ollie is a year of friendship, rebuilding, mysteries solved, and destinies reconsidered.
Serendipi-don’t is a mostly joyful (sometimes spiteful) love story to escape into this holiday season How is it connected to the holiday season? and a reminder that fate often takes inexplicable turns along the route to happiness.
I am a chemical engineer by day and an aspiring writer of happily-ever-afters by night. When I'm not working or writing, you'll find me in a dance class or walking my goldendoodle, Pippin. This would be my debut novel, but I am currently working on my third contemporary romance and letting my second rest before edits. I am looking to form a long-term relationship with an agent. If you don't have any writing credits, I wouldn't bother mentioning other projects that are unpublished. Don't state it's your debut, that's assumed - as is that you probably have some trunked projects and want a long term relationship with an agent. If you have other elements of your life that are tied to themes in this book, get them in here. Bios are hard when you don't have publishing creds, you just have to show that you know what you're talking about in terms of your life experiences and this story.