Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
There is no love lost between Adrian Hunter and the Council. You need a stronger hook. I don't know who Adrian is, or the Council, what they disagree about, why I should care, or what genre this is. Yet as tension rises between the latter and the Aethlings, he must prevent the situation from becoming a stinky pile of myga poop. Same problem - I don't know who the Aethlings are, what the tension is over, orwhat myga poop is. Warning the Council of a takeover attempt (and not even getting a thanks in return) was just step one; the conflict can only be resolved if there’s true equality for misfits. A takeover by who? Are we talking about Adrian now? Who is Adrian? What is Adrian? Why do they care about what's going on here? What's at stake? What is the inequality? As if that’s not difficult enough, he must deal with an awkward reunion with his ex-partner—er, ex-work partner (whom he finds attractive)—and stop a spirit from causing more destruction than a clash between the factions would. Again, just not enough info. I don't know what the spirit is causing destruction to, why it matters to the plot, or what Adrian does for a job or why the partner / ex would matter.
It all started with a spirit Adrian had been chasing on a job. I don't know what their job is, and "it all started" isn't a phrase that should be buried in a query. Somehow the Aethlings were involved, and he reluctantly infiltrates the group upon the Council’s orders to discover their intentions.Again, so vague. Things only become more complicated as he finds that someone is plotting to open a portal to another dimension…which will have consequences of disastrous proportions.Like what? Add in some connections to his forgotten past and it’s the perfect recipe for disaster. All he has are his (sometimes unreliable) ability to do what? and a small ragtag group that may or may not contain spies from different parties.
The Palabrian is a 75,000-word debut urban fantasy novel with a heap of humour, a dash of LGBTQ romance, and loads of spirits.
This is on a multiple submission. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
You're suffering from a little bit of query blindness here - you know what the backstory is and what each group is, what their roles in the story are, etc. The reader doesn't. So I have no clue how all of these moving parts work together to create a story, or what the story is. I also had no idea that this was urban fantasy - it reads like it could be high fantasy. There's no mention of real world concerns here, so I didn't guess it was urban.
You'll need to take a hard look at my questions above, and find concise ways to get the worldbuilding, plot, and character motivations into this query.
Right now, it just reads like a generic concept - there's an unclear struggle between groups, a demon and a portal, and a love interest. I don't know how they interconnect, or why this is any different from any other story with those elements.