Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
I’m thrilled to introduce you to THESAR, my 98,000-word YA novel. It’s a stand-alone novel with series potential, capturing the excitement of adventure, secrets, and treasure seeking, reminiscent of The Gilded Wolves, coupled with the themes of bonding, unexpected friendships, and loyalty found in One Piece. This is a great intro para, but I usually advise people to open with your hook. Everyone has a title, a word count, and comp titles - start with something only you have - the hook to your book. I'll add that you don'specify a genre here, which you should, and that the word count is probably a bit high. There is wiggle room for some genres, but it's hard enough to land an agent, and you don't want to have a word count be what turns them off. If it all possible, I'd try to get this down to 85k
Flori never imagined that the death of his grandfather would lead him on a dangerous quest to recover his family's stolen gold, but when he witnesses it being stolen for someone connected to his family, he's thrust into a world of secrets, lies, and unexpected allies. Confused by this... it was stolen once, then... stolen again? And it's stolen for someone with a connection to his family... Basically, I don't really understand what this is saying. It needs to be simpler, and clarified. With no time to grieve, the 17-year-old finds himself scrambling to understand the only clue given to him and to fulfil his grandfather’s last wishes- getting his family’s treasure back.
Flori sets out to find his family’s treasure and answers.Lots of repeated words here family's treasure in the past few sentences, and stolen above A twist of fate would have him meet Fija, a stealthy 17-year-old who somehow seems to know all the right and wrong people. How is she stealthy? What does that mean? Is she a thief?* For reasons unknown to Flori, she’s determined to tag along when she realizes that he’s after something and she won’t take no for an answer. The two colliding have certain aspects of Flori’s plan falling into place while simultaneously falling apart. Don't tell us this, show us People from Fija’s past come back to haunt her, and jinns, beings they’ve only heard stories about take great interest in their journey, threatening to get in their way. How are the jinns getting in their way? What is happening? The two enlist the help of Fija’s friend, Trim, a sarcastic and provoking 19-year-old who agrees to guide them to where the clue leads, What is the clue? the village Radomirë, but not without payment. The hunt for his family’s treasure takes them on a long journey, where the three sometimes butt heads but are quick to realize that they have more in common than they initially thought. Flori must fight against his own instincts What does this mean? to keep pushing forward as time runs out, and as the gold, being the last thing tying him to his family, becomes more and more out of reach.
The inciting incident in THESAR is inspired by a true story, This isn't particulary relevant, since you're writing fiction, and I wouldn't worry about mentioning it is set in Albania, and predominantly features Muslim characters. I graduated from Western University with a MA, and I work remotely as a research analyst in the youth homelessness sector in Toronto. When I’m not writing, I’m either reading manga, watching anime, or playing volleyball. I personally wouldn't bother with the last sentence. I think using the information about you that is relevant to the story is important, and anything that establishes you as a serious person (degree, job, etc) is great. But anything beyond that, not so much.
Right now, this query is very generic. We've got a search for treasure, an unlikely band of people on a journey, and some obstacles in the way. This could be literally any adventure story, ever. What makes yours stand out? What makes it special / different? I had no idea it was set in Albania or that the characters were Muslim until you said so st the end. Get the cultural elements highlighted, establish how and why this is different from other adventure stories, and get plot elements that distinguish it from any other fantasy / adventure into the query.