Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
Peter Prior was born with dopplism. Not a great hook, for a few reasons. I don't know what dopplism is, so I had to go Google it, and it's not a real word. I think the concept is cool, but essnetially you're beginning the query with a made up concept and word while not explaining what it is. This isn't a good move for a query, but additionally for an MG it raises the question of whether the text itself might be similarly veiled for the young reader. Whilst sleeping on his 15th birthday, he spawns a twin - the ganger to his original doppel. Start with this instead! This is interesting, and doesn't need a ton of explanation. Government Guardians, sent to snatch the ganger, take Peter by mistake and imprison him in an underground training kingdom, known as Subterra. There, Peter joins the 'renegades' – a group set upon escaping the punishing regime where gangers are at the mercy of the President's absolute power. Peter is determined to tell the world about the government's hate crime against gangers and to destroy Subterra. I think we need a little more world building here - so having dopplism is something that happens on a fairly regular basis in this world, it seems. Peter isn't necessaily an anomaly. This needs to be more clear. Also, why are the gangers hated / disliked? Is there something different about them? How are the distinct from their doppel and why are they persecuted?
The novel comes with a copy of the handbook given to all gangers when they enter Subterra, containing important information, including a map of the kingdom; the history of the organisation; the rules which recruits must follow; their training timetable and details of future missions. This is not the place to talk about bonus content. We don't really know what the plot of the book is, so you need to use your query space to get that across. We need more worldbuilding, as mentioned above, but we also need the plot to be more clear - what does Peter want? What is stopping him from getting it? How does he feel about his ganger? How does he feel about the other gangers he meets? Is there a supporting cast? Friends? I think the concept is awesome, but we need more plot here in order for an agent to jump.
SUBTERRA is an upper middle grade novel, complete at 54,000 words. It will appeal to readers of Chris Bradford's BODYGUARD series as an action adventure story, as well as to readers of Ben Oliver's THE LOOP in its story of teenagers’ bravery when imprisoned within a callous, fictional regime.
I have a First Class Honours Degree in English Literature from Durham University and I have been Head of English in 11-18 schools not sure what that means? for 13 years – a job which, happily, allows me to read and talk about books with young people, all day. I have had a short, humorous story published in Reader's Digest and I have met both my father's and my brother-in-law’s ganger. Good comp titles, good bio.