Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
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I am seeking representation for my novel, Missing Connections. It is a contemporary romantic comedy and is 45,000 words long. First off, I think it's more impactful to hit the agent with your hook, if you've got a good one. Tell the something they don't know. Every single query letter is from someone seeking representation. They know that. Wow them with something else. Seconly, your word count isn't long enough. Even if this is YA, it needs to be at least 55-60k.
(This is where I write some sort of a connection I have to the agent like if they represent some of my favorite authors then I mention it in this paragraph! Depends on the agent though, sometimes I don't include this...) I recently read and reviewed 'Red, White & Royal Blue' for the Santa Barbara Independent newspaper. I absolutely adored the novel and as soon as I turned that last page, I searched to find out who represents my new favorite author, Casey McQuiston! I truly feel that the comedy and romance in my novel resembles her work. (You can find the published article here: https://www.independent.com/2020/04/16/red-white-royal-blue/ This is good, but it almost feels like currying favor. I wouldn't include. Get to your book!
Missing Connections offers a hopeless romantic’s take on love and her yearning for a storybook ending. Definitely need to beef up this hook. This describes any love story, ever. Is your main character a tone-deaf piano tuner? That's interesting! I know she's not, but- see what I mean? What makes your story different from every other romantic one out there? The novel’s narrator, Amanda, is a teenage writer who draws her love stories from the real world and reimagines them through her successful online blog. She explores the stories of six different young couples in various places (Singapore, Santa Barbara, New York and more!) as they meet through chance encounters.
While Amanda is writing about other people finding love through chance encounters, You want to avoid using the same words and phrases more than once. If you do it in a 350 word query, how much does it happen in the manuscript?>/span> she’s lusting for love like the ones she dreams about. The characters she writes about come from diverse backgrounds, and find each other in unusual settings. From near-miss-car-crashes to an audience member and a musician making eye contact at a Broadway show, this novel develops unique perspectives on young adults as they find the “one”. The stories she imagines reflect her desire to see people come together, while the alternating chapters trace her own love story gradually building to an exciting romantic conclusion in which she finds the closure she has been imagining for others. Okay, but you spent more time talking about ficitonal characters within the novel than you did on your narrator. The main story is about Amanda... not Amanda's stories. They only illuminate her wishes and dreams. The focus of this query needs to be on Amanda, not on her fiction.
I am 17 years old and a high school junior currently living in southern California. As a young girl growing up in southeast Asia, I traveled frequently. Through this experience, I discovered my love of storytelling and connecting with people from diverse perspectives and backgrounds. I am a freelance writer and book reviewer at the Santa Barbara Independent (#1 Newspaper in Santa Barbara). I am also studying playwriting in a workshop at the local Equity theater now and taking a screenwriting class at the SB city college. This is a great bio for someone without fictional publishing credits. You are putting yourself forward in a professional manner and pointing to your accomplishments while also being honest about your age.
I have dedicated the past two years to writing Missing Connections because I know what YA readers love, and I believe this is it! A beach read with emotional tugs on the heart and comedy laced throughout, this is a novel for anyone who can relate to how teens who read first imagine, and then experience, love! I don't know that this is necessary. It adds a nice way to sign-off, but it's also not doing a lot of work Right now there are more words in this query dedicated to you than there are to the novel. Refocus to make Amanda and her story stand out.