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Meili Bai hates humanity with a passion. Good hook!
Humanity disowned Mogwai You sure you want to use Mogwai? I immediately think of Gizmo and from the description that follows, I'd say that's not accurate like her for their red eyes, black nails, and the way their feet hovered inches above the ground. Humanity embraced the Mogwai-hating empire that stormed the City and the corrupt government officials who let it happen. I would just refer to them as humans after the first hook.
Worst of all, humanity tore Meili’s little brother Rin from her side. Meili will do anything to find him, even if that means clashing with a dangerous police state.
Then, Meili discovers her first ray of hope: a brash fugitive who can track Rin’s nervous signals. Chul Kim does not hate humanity, but he does hate dying. If he’s going to help Meili find Rin, it’s going to be on his terms, whether Meili likes it or not. You're leaning a little heavily on the hate theme. It's getting repititive. Hate is not necessarily a sustainable emoiton, so I'd rethink using it often in the query. While it might be an accurate reflection of the character, it's also the only trait we're getting about her - HATE. What else? Are the red eyes and black nails just for show? Can she fly, or just hover? Tell us more than hate. The same is true of Chul - of course he hates dying. That's an assumed. What else?
Political turmoil brews in the City. The commander of the invading empire So the City is a bad place anyway, and they hate Mogwai. But there's somebody worse at the gates? wants total control—a fate that will prove disastrous to Meili and her fellow Mogwai. Isn't it already disastrous? Would this really change things? But little does Meili know that Rin is the key to the City’s downfall. How? Why? Bullets spray. Blood spills. With each passing day, the City creeps closer and closer to complete submission. Meili must overcome the blind hatred in her veins as Rin edges further and further from her grasp. Why does she have to overcome her hate? Is she going to help the City? Why is Rin moving further from her grasp if he was already lost?
Someone is bound to yield, and something is bound to break. Great last line!
Cyberpunk Mulan meets RED QUEEN by Victoria Aveyard in GHOSTHEART, a 93,000-word YA science fiction novel featuring #ownvoices Asian representation and key components of Taiwanese culture. It will appeal to fans drawn to the futuristic landscape of Marie Lu's WILDCARD and the political intrigue of Victoria Lee's THE FEVER KING. Great comp titles. However, from the description this feels way more like fantasy than Sci-Fi.
I am a high school senior in Central California. When I’m not writing, I’m bingeing anime at late hours and listening to BTS. I wouldn't reveal your age in the query. Of course, don't lie about it, but let the story stand for itself and if the query garners you a phone call, be honest and share a more detailed bio.