Today's guest is actress and author Melanie Smith, whose book Unfinished Business deals with trauma, grief, heartbreak and loss. Melanie joined me to talk about small and complex traumas, trauma reactions, and the shame that creatives are often made to feel in a capitalistic society.
The Saturday Slash
Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
If the Saturday Slash has been helpful to you in the past, or if you’d like for me to take a look at your query please consider making a donation, if you are able.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I also offer editing services.
My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
Ashra doesn’t believe in ghosts.
Not even when her cybernetic arm starts talking to her with a Southern drawl and a bad mouth. Fantastic hook! My only comment here is to put this altogether as one sentence Ashra doesn't believe in ghosts... not even when
In a world where corporations run the Network, and the Network runs everything—the traffic system, the electricity, the water, even the animals—technology is paramount. But technology is imperfect. Failures happen; code breaks, signals go down, malware gets unleashed. And that’s where Ashra steps in.
As a Hunter, Ashra’s job is to track down rogue tech that have disconnected from the network—the drifters, the critchers, the ghouls and creepers—and eliminate them. When she accepts a case to look into why the fish in Bodega Bay are dying, she expects it to be easy. What she doesn’t expect is to find herself embroiled in a mystery bigger and more sinister than she could have predicted, involving a virus that is spreading through the Network, turning living people into drones.
Thankfully—or unfortunately, depending on who you ask—she’s not alone. By a sick twist of fate, Ashra finds herself saddled with an unexpected companion; a mouthy, charming companion echo here with the word companion, find a different word for one of them by the name of Penny, who after losing her body, uploads her consciousness into Ashra’s cybernetic arm. She’s brash, she’s clever, and she’s the best lead Ashra’s got. If only she would stop flirting with her.
The Ghost in the Machine is an 80k mystery set in a world where science fiction and horror mingle, and romance blooms. Irreverent and dark, it will appeal to fans of Gideon the Ninth and The Murderbot Diaries.
Extremely few nitpicks here. You're in excellent shape - start querying!
The Saturday Slash
Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
If the Saturday Slash has been helpful to you in the past, or if you’d like for me to take a look at your query please consider making a donation, if you are able.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I also offer editing services.
My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
A magical palace. Magic Eaters. A dark family secret. You definitely need a better hook than this. It's just a list of elements that any book could have. What makes your book different?
Ten-year-old Adam is an orphan with snow-white hair and little hope of finding a family because everyone in the adoption centre says he’s cursed. This would actually work well for a hook! That’s until a gnome delivers him a letter from a Gushmar couple—individuals connected to magical monsters. Is this adoption centre in the real world, or a fantasy world? How alarming would it be for a gnome to show up? What do you mean by connection? Do they train them? Battle them? Keep them as pets? Adam learns he’s Gushmar, too, and enrolls in an academy to develop his magic and learn self-defence against the Magic Eaters. What are the Magic Eaters? At the academy, some students’ monsters go into a frenzy and attack each other. What does this have to do with the overall plot? With his two friends, Adam uncovers an evil Magic Eater’s plot to drain Gushmar magic, and must confront the dark part of his peculiar nature and save the Gushmar community. Does he have a dark part? First indicator here.
ADAM RAYAN AND THE CHAMELEON ROOM—If Harry Potter has the dæmons of His Dark Materials—is a 48,000-word Middle-Grade Fantasy with Mystery elements and unexpected twists à la J. K. Rowling. It’s perfect for fans of Nevermoor, and Amari and the Night Brothers, and stands alone with the main plotlines resolved and lays the groundwork for a five-part series. Good comp titles and smart to say it can stand alone or be part of a series. However, I think the similarities between Harry Potter are so strong - magical academy, trio of friends, dark side of narrator - that you may have trouble getting any agent interest.