Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
Joanne Hoffner is a college graduate excited to start her job as an analyst for the U.S. government. But the posting never mentioned a genie named Bob confined to the center stone of a magic ring. Oh, this is fun! I'd rephrase to be concise on that last line.
Tom and Jerry are two young genies on a quest to free their uncle from this ring. It’s their first time on Earth, and once Joanne introduces them to boba tea, sushi, and Aerosmith, they think Earth’s alright.
When Jerry tries to use magic to get the ring, slightly confusing, as it seemed from the earlier statement that Joanne was in possession of the ring.. how else does she become aware of it? a spell in place to protect government property starts erasing his memory. Only Bob can undo the spell because he once cast it for a wish. Getting confusing here, I'd just say only Bob can do it, but he's blocked from communicating with other genies. However, at what point does this blocking come in? Can he not communciate with is brother? His uncle? All genies? But one thing stands in the way — the ring. It has strict instructions to block contact between Bob and other genies, amongst other genie-specific things. Lucky for them all, Joanne is not a genie.
To rescue her new friend, Joanne must free Bob from the ring by stealing it from the government and finding a renowned genie who can undo the magic on it. Confused about how she comes across the ring in the first place, and why the brothers came to her at all? Worse, this genie is in a different universe filled with nightmarish creatures and other genies with questionable intentions. But she’d better hurry because Jerry is starting to forget Tom, and soon, he’ll forget Bob, too.
THE CHAINED ONE (93,000 words) is an adult sci-fi/fantasy novel that depicts genies as aliens from a different universe. It combines Men in Black and Disney’s Alladin while evoking a sense of whimsical adventure like Brandon Sanderson’s Tress of the Emerald Sea. [custom line for agent]
I have an M.S. from The University of Chicago, where I published two research papers in chemical physics before defecting to industry to write code. These experiences came in handy, though, because the government recruits many scientists to study Bob.
Overall, I think we need to know why Joanne would have any stake in this at all. How does she get involved in this genie quest in the first place? And why does she have any emotional stake in it whatsoever? Is she a loner in the human world? Why would she care about the genie struggles in the first place?