Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
I hope you will consider TITLE OF BOOK a book one in a NA contemporary romance trilogy with dark twists complete at 88.000 words. I always tell everyone to start with your hook, not word count, title, etc. Everyone has those. No one else has your hook. Start with that. Also - consider querying this as a standalone with series potential. Querying a trilogy is difficult as a debut, no need to stack the deck against yourself further.
Madison Pierce was brought up in a Christian environment in Charm, Ohio by her single mother. You need more here than "Christian environment." I was brought up in a Christian environment that was also fairly sex positive, feminist, and non-judgemental. That's not what you're saying here. And her entire life she has had to live up to expectations that her mother has set for her like what?, and her future is no different.
However, when college begins, Madison is forced to leave her entire life repeated phrase entire life behind in the hopes of a better life for her ill mother. What would her mother's illness have to do with anything?
Upon arrival, she catches the eye of her roommate’s mysterious boyfriend, Miles Ryder. And every rule her mother has spent years teaching her is not only bent but broken. She suddenly finds that the world she once knew is turned upside down with feelings Feelings like romance? Or feelings like lust? Or boht? for him she can’t deny for long. For long, like she held out awhile? Above you said the rules weren't only bent, but broken, which sounds like early capitulaion.
But Miles is hiding a dark secret, What is it? Don't be coy in queries and Madison is nothing but a pawn in a sick rivalry game he’s conducted. Except in his process of winning, Miles doesn’t expect to fall in love. This last line makes it sound like the book is more about Miles than Madison. Does he have a POV? What's the plot here? The query is all set up, but I don't know what the plot is. So she breaks all her personal rules, but he's a scoundrel, but maybe deep down he actually isn't... but what's the plot? What does the MC want, what is keeping them from getting it?
‘TITLE OF BOOK’ has gained over half a million reads and counting on the platform Wattpad. My parents moved with me to Iceland when I was very young. And while living in a small town there, I discovered my love for writing early. In my spare time you will find me dreaming of the beach and trying new recipes in my kitchen.