The Saturday Slash

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Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.

I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.

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If you’re ready to take the next step, I also offer editing services.

Amateur jewel thief Lisette Colbert suffers a string of bad luck starting with a heist gone wrong that leaves her injured and unable to make rent. A decent beginning here, but because you mention a string and then backtrack to an earlier event it feels a little awkward. I'd try something more like - "After a heist gone wrong leaves amaetur jewel thief LC unable to make rent...". She stumbles across a haunted house Stumbles across how? Like this is online bait? Or she stumbles upon the actual house? that offers $1,000 to anyone who can make it all the way I'd strike "all the way" through on Halloween night. How scary could it possibly be? Little does Lisette realize, not everyone who enters the 13th Realm of Hell makes it out.

You need more here. I know what she wants and how she's going to try to get it, but where does the humor come in? Is she in this house alone or are there other contenders? I'm confused because the para above reads like straight up thriller or horror but then you mention humor below. You'll need to create a second body paragraph here where you tell us more about the actual house plot. Above, you basically just gave us setup.

The twists and turns and tongue-in-cheek humor of Mind Like a Diamond will appeal to fans of Sara Shepherd and Lev Grossman.

Mind Like a Diamond could stand alone or become part of a series.

A little about me: I perform standup comedy and also showcase my humor on GulfCoastMomsBlog.com where my nonfiction has been shared across the country.

Good bio! Just make sure that you are giving enough info about your actual story.